Chapter 41: The Phase is Familiar, or A Darn Sight Better

Just in time, everything goes white. When you come out of it, the invaders are gone, and with much relief, you see a sky full of normal looking stars. The central hall of the Mothership is looking battered. You slide the laser cannon back up to the glass, and head inside through the airlock. Rubble and cracks are everywhere.

Melvin calls to the Administrator. “That was a close one.”

He harrumphs. “You’re telling me. I’ve already started charging the jump engines. We need to find a way to stop them from finding us. There is no way we can keep this up.”

“Anything we can do to help?” you ask.

“A request for a pilot just came in from the Phaser Patrol. Now that you are a member of the Supreme Order of the Star Masters, you are eligible.”

“Wahoo!” shouts Melvin. “That’s just one step away from the Star Cruisers!”

“Yes, well, don’t get ahead of yourself. If you are ready for the mission, it’s right over there.” He gestures to an open doorway onto a gray corridor. A pilot wearing a leather jacket, jeans and sunglasses is slumped against the doorframe, smoking a cigarette. Her skin is a bright red. “Who’s she?” you ask the Administrator.

He glances over. “That’s the instructor. The Phaser Patrol keeps things somewhat… informal.”

You walk over. She flicks away her cigarette, and lights up another, seeming to ignore you.

“Uh, are you the instructor for the Phaser Patrol? We’re here for a mission.”

She looks you up and down, taking another drag on her cigarette. “You the greenhorns?”

“I guess.”

“You fly for the Star Raiders?”

“Yeah.”

“Star Masters?”

“Yeah.”

“It’s pretty much like that. Follow me.”

You go down a short concrete hallway, right into a greasy spaceport room. Inside is a souped up looking starfighter, painted bright red, with the winged logo of the Phaser Patrol painted on the hood.

“Wow!” says Melvin. “This ship is so cool!”

“Sure is.” She runs her hand along it. “Got any questions?”

Melvin asks, “So… it has hyperwarp?”

The instructor lets out a long puff of smoke. “Hyperdrive warp-hop. Same thing, a little faster. No danger of asteroids.” Melvin then asks a long series of questions that she answers quickly.

“Galactic Map?”

“Sector map.”

“36 sectors?”

“Yep.”

“Stardates?”

“Space hours.”

“Zylons?”

“Dracons.”

“What’d the Dracons do?” asks Melvin.

“You ever seen their nostrils?” she says with disgust.

“No,” says Melvin.

“Well,” she says, and spits on the floor of the spaceport, “they’re hideous. Also, they pretended to sign a peace treaty, but then attacked our farm galaxy.”

“Your… farm galaxy?” you ask.

“Yeah, where we grow our food, duh.”

You can’t help thinking how weird that is. “How many galaxies do your people have?”

She lets out a big hiss of smoke. “I dunno, tons. Farm galaxy, business galaxy, suburban galaxy, shopping galaxy. You know.”

“Isn’t that inconvenient?” you wonder.

“What?” she says, irritated.

You go on, stupidly. “You grow all your food in a separate galaxy from where you live. Isn’t that expensive to, uh, transport?”

She flicks her cigarette to the floor and grinds it under her heel. She mutters to herself “I hate greenhorns.” Then she looks back at you, and barks “Warp-hop, duh! I told you it was faster.”

“Yeah, uh, sorry,” you say, embarrassed. Melvin shakes his head at you, not that he has a head, and continues.

“Photon torpedoes?”

“Phaser torpedoes. Longer range. Only Dracons use photon torpedoes. The phaser torpedo sight will be your best friend. Fire when it turns red, and the torpedo will lock on.”

“Phasors?”

She peers at you both over her glasses, “You crazy? That stuff causes cancer.” She lights another cigarette.

“Just checking,” says Melvin. “Anything else we need to know?”

“The computer boots off a cassette. Takes a minute to start up.” You’re about to ask why, and then you think the better of it.

She passes her hand over the doorway to the ship, and it opens up, hinging upward like a wing. Everything about this ship seems cool. She walks over to the launch button. Before you climb in, you think of one more question.

“Are you a pilot?”

She shouts back, “I’m a Hero, class B.”

“Why aren’t you flying this mission?”

“I’m on break.”

You climb inside and see that the cockpit has red leather seats with yellow piping, and all the controls are a gleaming bright red metal. The cassette is already playing, and two purple rectangles are closing over the computer screen as digital tones ascend in pitch.

You wave at her out the window, and she gives you the finger.

Melvin says, “Ah, the Phaser Patrol salute.” Tired of her attitude, you return the gesture. She smiles, pushes the button, and everything goes white.

Place your Supercharger into your Atari 2600, and press play on the Phaser Patrol cassette. Set the right difficulty switch to b. Play until you earn the rank of Hero (any level). Post a link to a video in the comments section of yourself completing the challenge.