Chapter 75: A Core Issue

The colored smiley faces seem to be getting faster with each new grid you enter. “Hey Doc!” you shout into the radio. “The gas tank is full! Can we get out of here?”

“Just a moment… let me check the power levels…”

“Hurry up, Doc!” shouts Melvin.

“Yes,” the Doctor’s confident but still tranquil voice responds over the radio. “Power levels are critically low in all four buildings. I’ll get you out of there.”

A blue smiley face is right on your tail, and going faster than you can escape it. “We’re not going to make it!” shouts Melvin. The blue smiler closes in, grinning and spinning, closer and closer…

Suddenly everything goes black and you feel yourself tumbling end over end. The radio is all static.

“Doc!” you shout. “What’s happening?”

The static and tumbling continue, but then each starts to fade, and the doctor’s voice emerges out of the radio static.

“…ystals. But it’s not enough.” You hear him panting a little, and feel the ship shaking. Is he running? “With the crystals gone, the computer has put the nuclear reactor in Building 1 into overdrive! We need to stop it, to cut off power to the virus, and avoid a meltdown!”

“A meltdown?!” says Melvin with alarm. “What kind of cheap nuclear reactors are you running here, Doc?”

“Oh, don’t remind me,” he responds, embarrassed. “I’d never built a nuclear reactor before, and I bought the plans from an alien named Jaantik. Turns out alien technology isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.”

“Wait,” says Melvin. “Not Warrior Jaantik, from Spectra?”

“Yes, I think so,” says the doctor, panting. “But that’s not important right now.” You feel the shaking stop. “Okay, I’ve entered Building 1, and am ready to inject you into the reactor core.”

Everything goes dark in the fluid around the ship. “Doc, what are we supposed to do?” you ask.

“The Proteus will enter DDV mode, and you’ll be able to use the robot arm to suck up overactive particles.”

All around you, the Proteus is changing form. The screen is flashing “ENTERING DDV MODE” and a huge four-clawed robot arm has taken shape on the front of the ship.

“It’s happening, Doc!”

“Good luck – but act fast! The reactor is already at level five! If those particles split too many times, there will be an explosion and a meltdown! There is a digital manual on board if you need more information.”

The reactor core is dark – but you see red, blue, and yellow particles bouncing around. As you fly around the core, the whole ship starts changing colors. And you notice something else… your green skin seems to be… glowing. Maybe it’s the radiation? You try to ignore it, and focus on the bouncing particles. “Melvin, a little help?”

Melvin is scanning through the digital manual. “This was definitely written by the Spectrans… it’s… kind of a mess…”

You are trying to chase the particles, but they are easy to miss. “At least find out what DDV stands for.”

“Uh… let’s see… it says ‘DECONTAMINATION-DEFUSSION-VACUUM.’ I think they mean ‘defusion’?” says Melvin.

There are a lot of particles to collect. “Can this thing go any faster?” you shout.

Melvin scans… “Yes! Flip that switch from ‘b’ to ‘a.’”

You flip it. The ship spins wildly out of control. “Gaah!” shouts Melvin, slamming against the wall. “Flip it back! Flip it back!”

You flip it back, and narrowly avoid entering some kind of portal. “Melvin, should I go in there?”

“Maybe?” says Melvin, frantically scanning the manual. “Aha… it says here that is a CORE VENT… and will destroy us… so… no.”

“Okay,” you say, “how do I avoid it?”

“Uhhh… ‘avoid the vent by maneuvering around the vend.’”

“Do they mean ‘vent?’” you ask.

“I think so?” replies a frustrated Melvin. “Also, ‘Lossing all of your DDV robot arms will initiate a meltdown sequence.’ So… don’t do that.”

“Yeah, I’ll try not to,” you say, grabbing another particle. “Cuz, with a reactor as big as a skyscraper, it could melt all the way down to China.”

“Wouldn’t it stop at the center of the earth?” asks Melvin, looking up. But the particles are multiplying, and you don’t have time to respond.

Place the China Syndrome cartridge into your Atari 2600. Use game select 2. Set the right difficulty switch to b, and set the left difficulty switch to a or b at your preference. Play until you get an “All Clear.” Post a link to a video in the comments section of yourself completing the challenge.

Chapter 74: Fuel Me Once...

You destroy the fifth blood clot. Your screen reports “ALL CLOTS DESTROYED.” Again you find yourself hurtling through the bloodstream. “Doctor,” you call, “Are you there? Are you alright?”

 Suddenly everything is shaking, like some tremendous earthquake, and you hear coughing over the radio. “Doc, are you okay?” asks Melvin, trying not to bounce around the cockpit. But there is no response. But then, a quiet voice.

“Player… I… think you saved me…”

“That’s great, Doc!” says Melvin as you steer around more defense cells. “Now, how do we get out of here?”

“My… readout says you are near the lacrimal glands… you head there… I’ll do the rest…”

You can see on the control screen a clear path to the gland, and you steer the ship into it. You are seeing fewer blood cells now, everything is clearer and less murky.

“Doc?” asks Melvin. “Where… are we?”

Suddenly, light bursts all around you, and you feel yourself falling, completely weightless. “Hold on!” you shout to Melvin, and you are glad you are strapped in. There is a sudden impact that shakes your ship, but then… everything is quiet and calm. It is nice to have things be so quiet, after the incessant pounding of the Doctor’s...

“Doc! Are you okay? We can’t hear your heart beating?”

Quiet laughter comes over the radio. “Oh, Player, you aren’t in my body any longer.”

You and Melvin look at each other. “What?” you say, “Where are we, then?”

Another quiet chuckle, and a sniff. “You came out through one of my tears, and I caught you in a Petri dish.”

“Doc, are you crying?” asks Melvin.

You hear him laugh and sniff some more. “I’m crying tears of joy! Do you realize what you’ve done?”

“Well, sure, Doc,” says Melvin. “We saved your life!”

The calm, quiet voice of the Doctor replies, “You’ve done much more than that… you might have saved the lives of the whole world.”

“What are you talking about?” says Melvin.

The Doctor sighs. “I must apologize for my terrifying appearance, earlier. I wasn’t always a mad doctor, you know. I used to be plain old Julius Jekyll, DDS. But at a dental convention on a strange tropical island, I was infected with terrible viruses. They not only affected my body, but by filling my brain with blood clots, they affected my mind.”

“But what does that have to do with saving the world?” asks an exasperated Melvin.

“Viruses,” he says quietly, “want nothing more than to replicate. The viruses I contracted filled my mind with an insane desire to build virus factories. And so, I did. These four skyscrapers you climbed each house factories that are producing two of the deadliest viruses known to man, and there is no way I can stop them.”

“And… how is that good news?” you ask, trying to stay calm.

“Because although I can’t stop them, you can! They must be battled at the microscopic level!”

Melvin smacks his forehead, not that he has one. “Oh boy, here we go again…”

You feel the ship shaking. “Doc, what’s going on?” you ask.

“I’m going to take you up into the skyscrapers. But first, how’s your fuel?”

You look at the fuel gauges of the Proteus. “Not good, Doc, they’re pointing to E, and I don’t think that stands for electric!”

“Just as I thought,” says the now calm Doctor. “Okay, here’s the plan. The nuclear reactors in buildings 1 and 3 store energy in microcrystals that the virus needs to multiply. If you can raid the power crystal supply, it will fuel you up, while weakening the viruses, and… just maybe, we’ll have a chance of stopping them.”

“And how do we do that?” asks Melvin.

You feel the ship shaking again. The doctor is clearly doing something with the Petri dish. “We’ve reached the power station in the sub-basement that connects all four buildings. I’m going to inject you into the fuel grid. Things will go dark, don’t be alarmed.”

There is more shaking, and things do go dark. But then... glowing purple walls come into focus, and you can see the grid that you are in. It is far from static, with portals gliding in various directions.

“Can you see the grid?” asks the Doctor over the radio.

“Yes, we see it,” you say, but you are interrupted as the control screen lights up. “FUEL GRID DETECTED. ENTERING FUEL GATHERING MODE.” You see and feel the ship changing shape around you. “Doc!” calls Melvin. “Something’s happening!”

You see the ship turning into something that looks less like a submarine, and more like a pair of giant jaws.

“Doc, we’re set of crazy choppers! Are we gonna do more dental work?” asks Melvin.

The calm doctor chuckles. “You make it sound like I’m obsessed with dentistry! No, no, you are just going to gather up some fuel. It should look like little wafers. Think of them like candy bars.”

“I see them!” you respond, steering your munching ship over them, and noting that your fuel tank is slowly filling. “This is going to be…” you were about to say “easy,” but then you see a terrifying sight: a giant whirling smiling face headed right at you.

“The only danger in the fuel grid are the guardians,” says the Doctor. “I hope you don’t run into those.”

You dodge around it, only to see another one, green this time. “Doc, they’re everywhere! What do we do?”

“Oh dear,” he says. “Look for a power booster… it’s sort of like… a vitamin pill. It will make the guardians turn red, and you can attack them.”

“Yow!” says Melvin. “Even filling up the gas tank is deadly around here! Wish us luck, Doc! We’ll get all the power we can!”

“Sounds good,” crackles the still calm voice over the radio. “You keep gathering energy, and I’ll try to activate the repair vessel.”

“What does that look like?” asks Melvin.

“Kind of like… a toothbrush.”

“Doc!” cries Melvin, rolling his eyes. But his aren’t the only eyes that are rolling… another smiley face is headed right at you!

Place the Jawbreaker cartridge into your Atari 2600. Use game select 3. Set difficulty switches to b. Play until you score 20,000 points. Post a link to a video in the comments section of yourself completing the challenge.

Chapter 73: Captain Fantastic

Pew pew pew, and one final PEW! You finally blast the last of the food mutants! Melvin staggers out of the loading chamber, his glow faded and wavering. “Was that… the last of them?” he asks.

You peer around in every direction, flying your little toothpaste tube around the few remaining teeth. “I think so… man, that was weird.”

Melvin is still panting. “Yes… but was it the weirdest thing we’ve seen today?”

Just then, a small readout on the console says “Mission Accomplished,” and out of a small slot a patch slides out with a picture of smiling teeth wearing berets, and a legend that reads “NO PLAQUE PACK.”

You take the patch, and add it to your collection, saying “no… I think this patch might be the weirdest thing.” Suddenly, you see the Doctor peer down from outside the mouth, saying “Great job! You’ve done it! Now, come on out of there!” The pair of tweezers, now incredibly gigantic, come down and seize the withered and squeezed out S. S. Toothpaste. He places you gently on the dental tray. He turns to the patient. “Well sir, we’ve relieved you of your Snack Attackers, not to mention your Food Mutants, and you even have some teeth left! I would say this was a tremendous success!”

The patient seems angry, but with so few teeth, all he is able to say is “mmbuffummut! Fubbmmmuut teef!” He is exhausted, and the nurse escorts him out. The Doctor turns back to you. “What a tremendous success! I built the old S.S. Toothpaste years ago, in hopes that one day my shrink ray would actually work, but it never did! Who would have guessed that a misfocused enlarging ray could shrink things! This is an incredible discovery!”

You roll your eyes. “Yes, but…” and then you wonder if he can hear you. You open the dome of the ship, and looking up at him, take a deep breath. “Doctor, can you hear me?” you shout.

The doctor is peering at you intently. “Are you saying something? You are too small to hear… just a moment.” He brings down a small microphone, which to you is as big as a house. “Now, shout,” he says.

“Doctor,” you shout, and hear your tiny voice echo over the building’s loudspeaker system. “Now that your patient is cured, can you please enlarge us!”

He nods. “I wish I could. But… you don’t know what an important discovery this is! A working shrink ray combined with an experienced spaceship pilot? This is an opportunity that only comes along once in a lifetime!”

“Great!” Melvin shouts. “Make us normal sized again, and we can talk about it!”

“Oh no,” says the Doctor. “Don’t you see, this is the solution to all my problems! Come, I’ll show you!” He tweezes up the ship, and plops it into a petri dish, along with the microphone, and carries you out of the room, wheeling the misfocused enlarging ray in front of him. After going down many hallways and three elevators, you find yourselves in a large space that reminds you of a docking bay, because in it is a large… Spaceship? Submarine? You aren’t sure.

“What is that?” you shout, and over the loudspeaker it echoes through the hallways of the building.

“This, my friends,” says the doctor proudly, “is the Proteus. When I was young, I saw the movie Fantastic Voyage, where a ship gets shrunken to microscopic size to be injected into a human bloodstream in order to save lives. Making this vision come true has been my dream, and so, I built a life-size working version of it!” He pauses, beaming. “Sadly, though, I could never get my shrink ray to work. Only my enlarging ray! At one point I tried enlarging a patient to be so big that I could inject the full-size ship into them, but it didn’t work.”

“Why not?” Melvin shouts.

“Did you ever try to fill a giant syringe?” He shakes his head. “No, I realized that until I could perfect the shrink ray, the Proteus would have to stay in dry dock.”

“Well, that’s great,” you shout, “You should do more research with your shrink ray. It could save a lot of lives!”

“Yes it could!” says the Doctor excitedly. “Starting with mine!” You and Melvin look at each other.

The Doctor becomes serious. “My body is full of blood clots… probably caused by a… certain virus. It’s why… my skin is so red. I only have hours to live.” You see now how exhausted he looks.

“I thought this would be my last day. However, if I shrink down the Proteus, I can inject you into my body, and you might be able to save my life!”

You and Melvin look at each other. “Is he kidding us?” asks Melvin. You look up at his throbbing red skin and bloodshot eyes. “I don’t think so, Melvin… I think he’s serious.” You shout into the microphone: “It’s kind of crazy, Doc, but we’ll do it!”

“Wonderful!” he says, brightening a little. He fires up his ray, and points it at the Proteus. There is humming, pulsing, and a bright purple glow surrounds the ship, and it shrinks down, down, down, until it disappears from view. The Doctor laughs tiredly but excitedly, and runs over to the shrunken ship, retrieving it with the tweezers. You see him lowering it into your Petri dish from above, and he places it right next to the worn out S.S. Toothpaste. He is wearing his magnifiers again, and he giggles excitedly as he watches you. “Come on,” he says impatiently giggling. “Get in!”

You climb down from the toothpaste tube, and walk over to the Proteus. It’s a really cool looking ship. You open the hatch, and you and Melvin climb inside. Everything gleams – clearly, the Doctor spared no expense building this. You take your place on the white leather captain’s chair, and strap yourself in with black seat belts. The joystick controls are intuitive, and Melvin starts flipping through a manual on a shelf by the ship’s console. The Doctor giggles from above. “You’re going to love it! It’s been equipped with medical technology’s finest laser ray! Oh! But wait…” he says, peering down at you again through his magnifying eyeglasses. “The ship is still too big for an injection… I need to make you just a little bit smaller.” Again he fires up the ray, and there is the briefest flash of purple light. You are now so small you can’t make out anything above you. It’s all vague shapes. You wonder how to talk to the Doctor now that you are away from the microphone, but then you see a radio console in front of you. “Doc, can you hear me?” you ask.

“You’re coming in loud and clear,” he says delightedly.

“What’s our mission?” asks Melvin.

“I have five major blood clots. What you’ll need to do is to pilot through my bloodstream, avoiding hazards, blasting bacteria, until you find your way to a blood clot. When you get there, blast it with your laser. It’s very big, it will take at least a dozen shots to destroy it.”

“Okay,” you say, “Blast bacteria, find the blood clot. Five times. Anything else?”

“Hmm…” Says the doctor. “Yes. If you see any enzymes, blast those. That will release their healing properties.”

“What do they look like?” you ask.

“Kind of like a… big key?” the Doctor explains. “I’m going to fill your dish with fluid, so I can inject it into my bloodstream.” You see him pour something in from above, and suddenly the sub rocks from side to side as you swirl about in the dish. In the distance, you see the now huge S.S. Toothpaste drifting sadly away.

“Doc,” you say, “you might want to get that toothpaste tube out of here – you don’t want that in anyone’s bloodstream.”

You hear him over your radio. “I’m picking it out now with the tweezers.” In the foggy distance, you see the S.S. Toothpaste pulled up and away, and you feel the sloshing caused by the giant tweezers. “Alright,” he says excitedly. “We’re all set. I’m sucking you up into the syringe. Hold on!”

The water around you swirls in all directions, and it gets dark, and then light again. You are glad you are belted in, because it feels like the ship has been doing somersaults. “Are you still there?” asks the Doctor.

“Yes, we’re here,” you reply. “But stop shaking us around! Is there anything else we need to know?”

“No…” says the Doctor. “Oh wait! Yes, yes there is! I don’t know how I forgot this. Whatever you do, don’t hit the artery walls with your ship, it will release dangerous antibodies. Oh, and if you see blood cells, don’t shoot those! It will harm the patient… that is… me!”

Melvin is still studying the manual. “I don’t see blood cells here… what do they look like?”

The doctor pauses, then answers. “Kind of like a lumpy figure eight?”

“Hmm…” says Melvin. “I see that here in the manual, but it says that’s a ‘clotlet.’”

“Argh!” says the Doctor. “That’s a typo! I can’t believe I never fixed that. No, clotlets look like, I don’t know, diagonal french fries. They are indestructible, don’t bother with them. Blood cells look like figure eights, please don’t shoot them.” He gasps. “I need to lie down… I’m nearly critical. You have to get in there. Hold on tight, and good luck!”

Again the water swirls around you, and things go from light to dark, and as the ship’s lights come on automatically, you hear the thump, thump, thump of the Doctor’s heart, and feel it too, as you are swept along through the bloodstream.

“Look, Melvin!” You shout, pointing at dart shaped cells ahead of you. “What are they?”

“Defense cells,” says Melvin. “Good for target practice!” He jumps into the loading chamber. “Fire when ready, Captain!” You press the fire button, and Melvin flies out and blasts a cell.

“Wow!” he says, reappearing in the loading chamber, glowing with excitement. “That really is medical technology’s finest laser ray! Come on, Player, let’s see if we can save the Doctor!”

Place the Fantastic Voyage cartridge into your Atari 2600. Use game select 1. Play until you destroy five blood clots. Post a link to a video in the comments section of yourself completing the challenge.

Chapter 72: Tooth or Consequences

Running around this slimy mouth fighting off Snack Attackers has got you exhausted. At least you saved some of the teeth? You hear Melvin and the Doctor return into the room. The Doctor peers into the patient’s mouth. “Aha! Nice job, Player! You chased away all the Snack Attackers! My patient is cured! Even better, I have the enlarging ray working – I think it will turn you back to normal!”

You’re glad to hear that – being a tiny weird lizard thing is something you are ready to give up.

“Patient, stick out your tongue!” commands the Doctor. He does, and as you rise out of the patient’s mouth, you get a view of the huge ray gun machine the doctor has wheeled into the room, which is pointed right at you. He pulls a lever and turns some knobs, and it starts to hum and energize.

Melvin floats nervously nearby. “Uhh… should you be pointing that at the patient?”

“Don’t worry,” says the Doctor. “I have it in perfect focus! It will affect the player, and not the patient.” The patient gives a thumbs up at this.

Melvin peers down at you. “What… is the Player, anyway?” As the machine’s hum gets louder, the Doctor stares down at you. “What is that called? It’s on the tip of my tongue. Or actually, on the tip of the patient’s tongue!” He laughs, then sighs. “Anyway, the ray should grow the player, and bring them back to normal. Nurse, my goggles!” As the nurse hands the Doctor a pair of dark goggles, you wonder how safe this can be… but anything has to be better than being a tiny lizard… right?

The Doctor licks his lips excitedly. “Ready… set… ENLARGE!” he shouts as he stabs a button with a fat red finger. You suddenly realize that if this works, you are going to be standing on the patient’s face. You call “Wait!” but it is too late. Purple energy shoots out of the ray and engulfs you… but… you don’t seem to be growing… instead you seem to have shrunken further! Before, you were about the size of a tooth, but now you are so tiny, the taste buds on the patient’s tongue are bigger than you!

The Doctor turns off the ray, and Melvin gasps. “The Player is gone!”

The Doctor is perplexed. “What? How is that possible?” He peers down at you. “Nurse! My magnifiers!” He dons a pair of weird magnifying eyeglasses, making his creepy eyes terrifyingly large. “Ah!” he shouts. “The player is still here, just much smaller! Don’t be sad, Player,” calls the Doctor. “Just because you’re small, that’s no reason to be down in the mouth!” He elbows Melvin. “Pretty good, huh?”

The patient tries to say something, and pulls their tongue back into their mouth.

“Open wide again, patient!” demands the Doctor, cutting him off. Peering in, his eyes grow wider. “Fascinating…” he says, lost in thought. You look to see what he could be looking at, and find that the patient’s mouth is swarming with hot dogs, hamburgers, cherries, strawberries, and even ice cream cones… and they are all attacking the patient’s teeth, which are beginning to yellow.

“What the heck is going on in there?” asks Melvin, peering in next to the Doctor.

The Doctor’s huge red brow furrows. “I… think the focus was off… the ray shrunk the Player… but seems to have enlarged the microscopic food particles that were in the patient’s mouth, and they have taken the form they would have if they were full sized… but… they are still quite tiny… and I think they have genetically merged with the bacteria in the patient’s mouth, because they are attacking his teeth!”

You feel the patient cringe in alarm. You look around at the swarming food, which isn’t tiny to you at all! The foods are only about centimeter across, but you are less than a millimeter!

“Doctor, what should we do?” asks a panicked Melvin. “What if the patient chews the food and swallows the player?”

“Keep your mouth open wide, patient!” Calls the Doctor, then looks at Melvin. “There’s only one thing to do! Has the Player ever flown a spaceship?”

“Yes!” says Melvin excitedly. “Why?”

“Nurse!” calls the Doctor. “Bring my electric toothpaste!”

“Don’t you mean electric toothbrush?” asks Melvin.

“No… electric toothpaste is one of my greatest inventions! It destroys food before you eat it! That way, you can’t get tooth decay!”

“That’s… a terrible invention,” says Melvin.

The nurse brings a large purple tube of toothpaste, and sets it on the tray. “Perfect!” says the Doctor, and flips a switch on it, and it begins to hover.

“Wow…” says Melvin. “But how will that help?”

The Doctor is repositioning the enlarging ray. “I’m going to use the same focus, and shrink the electric toothpaste. If we get it the right size, the patient can fly it around the patient’s mouth, and destroy all the mutant food. “Ready… set… ENLARGE, err… I mean SHRINK!” calls the doctor, stabbing the button again. At that moment, Melvin calls “Shrink me too!” and zips in front of the ray. Both Melvin and the toothpaste tube become quite tiny. Melvin now looks like a little tiny glowing dot, no bigger than the period at the end of a sentence. The Doctor peers down at them through his magnifiers. “Perfect!” he cries. He uses his tweezers again to pick up the tiny toothpaste tube, and drops it into the player’s mouth. You see it plunk down onto the tongue, right next to some flying hamburgers and you run over to it, which takes several seconds, because you are so small. By the time you reach it, Melvin has flown from the tray and into the patient’s mouth. He zips all around you. “Player! I’m so happy to see you!”

“I’m happy to see you, too!” you say.

Melvin looks at your weird grinning lizard face. “You seem happy to see everything,” he quips.

You take a swat at him. “Don’t laugh at me… this lizard stuff is no joke.” But you can’t help laughing a little. It’s nice to be back with Melvin. Melvin looks around at the hamburgers and other foods attacking the teeth. “These mutant foods are no joke either. Come on, let’s do this!”

The toothpaste tube really does look like a spaceship. It has a little ladder on the side, and little sign that says “S.S. Toothpaste.” You climb up the ladder, and find a domed area on top, with seats inside. You lift the dome, and climb in. There is just enough room for the two of you to sit comfortably, not that Melvin needs to sit. The flight controls look pretty standard, and after the dome closes, you grab the joystick and start zipping the tube around the mouth. Melvin is flipping through a colorful booklet entitled “Dental Defense Manual.”

“Cool!” He says. “I think I see how to be the toothpaste!” He climbs into a little loading chamber. “Fire!” he says. You press the fire button, and he launches out and blasts some hamburgers, then rematerializes in the loading chamber.

“Not bad…” he says, “but the autofire is kind of slow.” He flips through the manual. “Flip that switch from a to b, would you?” You flip it. “Great… let’s try this again.” You press the fire button, and Melvin fires across the mouth with a rapid pew pew pew, taking out a squadron of rowdy hot dogs.

“Yippee!” he shouts. “Just like old times! How’s the ship handle?”

“It’s a little stiff,” you reply, “But it sure can turn around fast.”

“That’s a good thing,” says Melvin, “Because when those foods attack a tooth, they seem to change direction.”

“Strategy later!” you shout. “Let’s do this! It’s good to have you back, Melvin!”

“It’s great to be back, Player! Let’s clean up this mouth!”

Place the Plaque Attack cartridge into your Atari 2600. Set the difficulty switches to b. Use game select 1 or 3. Play until you score 35,000 points. Post a link to a video in the comments section of yourself completing the challenge.

Chapter 71: Down in the Mouth

Panting, and bruised by tiny bricks, you make it through the colorful maze/racetrack and cross the checkered finish line. The Doctor, who seems to be out of bricks, peers down at you, frantically scribbling notes in his notebook. “Fascinating!” he says. “This specimen is fast and agile.”

“Yes,” agrees Melvin, “but how can you turn them human again?”

The nasal voice crackles again over the loudspeaker. “Doctor, your patient can’t wait any longer! His mouth is infested with the worst case of Snack Attacker I’ve ever seen!”

The Doctor ignores this, and consoles Melvin. “Don’t worry about the Player, I know just what to do!” He pulls out an eyedropper, and bends down over you. “Open wide, little buggy!” Eager to get medicine that will return you to normal, you open up your dragonfly mouth, and swallow a huge drop of an evil tasting fluid. Immediately, you start changing. Your wheels and bug legs disappear, and you now have arms! And legs! And a face! Are you human again? You must be! But from the horrified look on Melvin’s face, not that he has a face, you can tell that something isn’t right. You look down to realize… you don’t have a body! Just little green arms and legs coming out of a big green head! But… “big” is the wrong word! You are even smaller than before! “Gaaah!” you shout, in a tiny, squeaky voice. “What you have you done!”

“Player! You can talk!” says Melvin excitedly, but then concerned, “But… I think you’re a frog again?”

The Doctor is all smiles. “That’s not a frog! That’s a… LIZARD! I’m going to call you ‘Lizzie!’ This is perfect… perfect!” he shouts, scooping you up, and racing out of the room, up the stairs.

“I don’t like the name Lizzie!” you shout from inside his cupped hands as he bounds up the stairs.

 “Wait for me,” shouts Melvin, zipping after him.

You find yourself in a dentist’s office where really annoying digital music is playing, and the Doctor puts you down on a white tray. The various picks, drills, and other dentist tools are terrifying at such a large size. There is a patient in the chair, and an impatient nurse stands nearby, looking irritated. You realize she must have been the one on the loudspeaker. The Doctor is poking around in the patient’s mouth. Melvin flies in, panting. “What… are you going to do now?”

“Don’t worry!” says the smiling Doctor. “I know just what to do!” With a pair of tweezers, he hands you a tiny disc. You hold it, like a sort of a shield, wondering what it is for. Then, to your horror, he picks you up with the tweezers, and drops you into the patient’s mouth!

“Gaaah!” shouts Melvin. “Did you feed the Player to your patient?”

“No… don’t be silly,” says the doctor. “You see, tiny lizards are perfect for dental work! They can hold dental shields with their tiny hands, and their feet don’t slip when standing on your tongue!” He frowns. “But real lizards are too hard to train. Believe me, I’ve tried!” He grins excitedly now.

“But why did the Player turn into a lizard?” asks Melvin.

“Because lizards eat dragonflies! See? Fear plus toxins causes transmutation!” says the Doctor “And with human intelligence in a lizard body, and that makes them the perfect Tooth Protector, and now they can do my dental work for me!”

Melvin is upset. “I don’t care about your dental work! We need to save the kingdom! Besides,” he says, peering down into the patient’s mouth, “it looks dangerous in there.”

You are standing on the patient’s tongue, and are worried that Melvin is right. Something is lurking in the darkness of this giant mouth… you see weird forms lurking in the shadows behind the molars.

The Doctor laughs. “Don’t worry! The Player has the shield. And besides, look at that big smile!” It hasn’t escaped your notice that your weird green face has a permanent smile, even though you are terrified. The Doctor’s face looms large over the patient’s mouth. “Player, the Snack Attackers will attack the teeth with cubes!”

“Cubes?” you call back.

“Yes, cubes! You know, kind of like tiny bricks.” says the Doctor. “Use the shield to protect the teeth! If the teeth start to decay, press the red action button on the shield, and my nurse will help you out. Oh! And remember, if the Snack Attackers start humming, go hide behind a molar or something, because they’re coming for you.”

“But what are you going to do to turn the Player human again?” asks Melvin. “If the player gets any smaller, they’ll be gone!”

The Doctor rubs his huge red chin. “Yes… I’ve noticed that. I have a special ray that makes some animals get bigger. Maybe if I use it on the Player, they’ll turn human again when they get human sized?” He claps his hands and rubs them together. “Well! It’s worth a try! Melvin, follow me, and we’ll get the enlarging ray working. Patient, open wide. No, wider! Good! Player, fight those Snack Attackers! Nurse, be ready with brush, floss, and rinse!” He marches determinedly back towards his basement lab. Melvin lags behind, and calls down to you. “Good luck in there… we’ll get you back to normal somehow!” and reluctantly chases after the Doctor.

With the Doctor gone, the Snack Attackers start to emerge from out of the shadows… you hold up your shield, and hope for the best!

Place the Tooth Protectors cartridge into your Atari 2600. Use game select 1, and play until you score 120,000 points. Post a link to a video in the comments section of yourself completing the challenge.

Chapter 70: A Bug in in the System

You run through maze after colorful maze, dodging weird items and a spasmodic robotic dog catcher. You’re very hungry, so you are glad when you can catch the flying dog dish and eat some delicious (?) Chuck Wagon dog food. It really does make its own gravy… neat. Gross, but neat. After a few bowls, though, you start to feel… strange, and you notice that the weird flying dog bowl is starting to grow.

“Doctor, the Player is shrinking!” shouts an alarmed Melvin.

“WHAT?” says the Doctor, flipping through his notebook. “No no no! This formula was supposed to turn Chuckie back into a human!” He throws his notebook against the wall in disgust, and it explodes into a shower of pages. He rubs his huge red forehead, and sighs. “Well, to be fair, the formula wasn’t really ready.” He brightens again, and pulls out a magnifying glass. “Poor Chuckie has gotten quite small indeed… let’s go have a look.”

You have gotten so small now that the side of the dog dish looms up above you like a giant wall. Melvin, who is normally just a couple inches on a side is now bigger than you are! “Player,” Melvin says, hovering above you, “Are you okay?”

The Doctor leans over with his enormous magnifying glass, and looking up at his giant magnified red face is truly terrifying. “Ah!” says the Doctor. “The Player is no longer a dog! They have turned into… uh… hmm…” You look down at yourself. What have you turned into? You are like… some kind of yellow dragonfly? With... wheels? You try to spin them, and, to your surprise, they let you zip around like a little car. The doctor raises a giant eyebrow in surprise. “Well! Would you look at that!” He taps his chin. “Now… how could that have happened? I gave precisely the right toxins that should turn a dog into a human… and…” he slaps his forehead. “Oh, of course! It was that dog dish!”

Melvin looks confused. “How could the dish make a difference?”

The doctor laughs. “Do you think it is easy to make a flying dog dish? I had a cross dog dish DNA with dragonfly DNA in order to get that to work.”

“But… dog dishes don’t have DNA,” protests Melvin.

“They do now!” shouts the Doctor triumphantly. He grabs a new notebook and starts scribbling frantically. “This is an amazing discovery… I must run some tests!”

Melvin beats his non-existent hands on his non-existent forehead. “No! No more tests! You have to change the Player back!”

The Doctor waves him off. “How can I do that, if I don’t even know what I’m dealing with? Let’s just run the Player through some simple tests, and I’m sure it will become clear what to do.” He bends down to scoop you up. “Come here, little buggy,” he sings as his giant red hands close around you, and lift you up. “If I’m going to do tests, I must have a control,” he mutters. He calls down to you. “I’m going to have to put you in the cloning machine… it will just take a second.”

He puts you into a large (to you) glass chamber. Through the wavy glass, you seem him put on protective goggles. He pushes a button and there is a blinding flash, and you feel singed all over. You blink your little bug eyes, and see… a mirror? No… not a mirror, but another dragonfly with wheels, and this one is purple! The chamber opens, and the doctor’s two red hands pick each of you up.

“See? That was easy,” says the doctor. Then he frowns. “I’m not sure why the clone is purple… normally they are identical. Oh well,” he says brightly, “at least they’ll be easy to tell apart.” He plunks you down in yet another maze, this one on a tabletop, and bug-sized.

“How many mazes do you have?” asks Melvin, incredulously.

“As many as it takes!” shouts the Doctor, raising a finger triumphantly.

“Any how many does it take?” asks Melvin.

“Three!” shouts the doctor, continuing to hold his triumphant pose.

The voice on the loudspeaker returns. “Doctor, please come upstairs immediately! Your dental patient is very upset!”

“I’VE TOLD YOU TO NEVER INTERRUPT ME WHEN I’M POSING!” he shouts, still holding his pose, grinning weirdly. An uncomfortable silence follows.

“Uh… okay, so, now what?” asks Melvin.

The Doctor rolls his eyes. “Well, obviously, now we’ll race them, while I pelt them with tiny bricks.”

“Why would you do that?” asks Melvin.

“FOR SCIENCE!” shouts the Doctor, pelting you with a tiny brick. You figure you better start rolling… if you don’t win the race, you aren’t sure what the Doctor will do.

Place your Supercharger into your Atari 2600, and press play on Load 1 of the Party Mix cassette. Use your paddles, and find a friend to race against you as the other bug. Play until you win the race. Post a link to a video in the comments section of yourself completing the challenge.