Chapter 54: A Cross to Bear

Suddenly, you wake up, in a cold sweat, lying on the floor in a dark house. Peek is standing over you. You start and scramble back in the corner, like a frightened animal. Melvin is similarly freaked out, and is somehow dripping cold, sweaty pixels on the floor.

Peek looks at you in amazement. “You did it. You stopped the bad man!”

“Peek,” you cry, “what was that?”

He looks at the floor. “It was just a memory. I put it in your dream.”

“Did all that really happen?”

Peek looks at you. “The bad man really came, and hurt all my friends, and took them away. But not me, I hid, even after he killed me.” Unsettlingly, you realize you can see through Peek’s ghostly body. He looks you in the eyes. “In your dream you saved everybody! Do you think you can save them for real?”

“How can I save them, Peek? Aren’t you all… ghosts?”

Peek looks down again. “Yes… we’re all ghosts.” He looks at you angrily. “But we’re not supposed to be here! Ghosts aren’t supposed to stay! But the bad man makes us stay!”

Peek is terrifying when he is angry, but you try to stay calm. “How does he make you stay, Peek?”

“He took all my friends to his evil house, and he uses magic to trap them inside.” Peek closes his eyes, and makes the face of a proud child, “But not me! I’m too good a hider! I stayed here, in the good house! He came back to find me a few times, but he never did!”

“So… how does his magic keep you here, Peek?” you ask, hoping he doesn’t get angry. Instead, Peek gets sad. “It doesn’t. I could go.” He starts to cry. “But I don’t want to leave my friends! And my teacher! They are all trapped in his bad house! I want to save them, but...” he shouts, now, through his tears. “I don’t know how!”

“Do you know where the bad house is, Peek?”

He wipes his tears. “Yes. I know. It’s in Spirit Bay. But it has a magic lock, and I can’t get in.”

Melvin pipes up. “Is there a key, Peek?”

Peek looks down. “The man says there is. Once, when I tried to get in to help my friends, he almost caught me. He said that no one can get in because he gave the key to Dracula. He says that no one can defeat Dracula, so no one can get in. I tried to go to Dracula’s house once. It was really scary. Dracula almost got me. I talked to a rainbow ghost there who said there were magic crosses that could stop Dracula, but I don’t know where they are.” He looks at you, hope in his eyes. “But in your dream, you stopped the bad man, over and over again! You saved my friends! Maybe you can get the crosses, and get the master key from Dracula! Will you do it?”

“Magic crosses? Defeat Dracula?” Melvin says incredulously. “Kid, I don’t know where…”

You cut him off. “We’ll do it, Peek. We’ll find a way to stop the bad man, and save your friends. You’re a good friend, Peek. We’ll do it for you,” you look meaningfully at Melvin, “and for the Queen.” Melvin gets quiet, seeming to remember the reason you are here in the first place.

Peek gets excited and starts jumping around. “You can do it!” he shouts, “I know you can! Just remember what the rainbow ghost said: The only way to stop evil is with the power of the cross.”

“Okay, Peek, we’ll go find those crosses.” You shake his cold, ghostly hand, and stride out of the house into the darkness. You are walking across the field purposefully, toward the forest. You look back, and see Peek in the window, watching you leave. As you watch, he fades back into the darkness of the house.

“Where are we going?” asks Melvin. 

You stop and sit down in the cold, dark grass. “I have no idea.”

“You have no idea?” says Melvin, exasperated. “Then where are we going?”

You bury your head in your hands. “I have no idea. All I know is that somehow we’re supposed to ‘stop evil with the power of the cross.’”

“Well, that’s just great,” says Melvin. “We don’t know where we are going, or how to get there, or what crosses that weird ghost kid is even talking about. I can’t take much more of this haunted stuff. Let’s just head back to town, and play some pinball, and maybe things will work themselves out.”

Just then, you hear a roaring sound above you. You look up, and two strange looking spaceships are hovering overhead, maybe two hundred feet up. They are blue cubes, with strange yellow… propellers, maybe? sticking out on either side. A beam of light shines down on you both, and a voice, amplified by a crackling electrical system comes from one of the ships. “Are you ze Player?”

You look at Melvin, who puts up his non-existent hands in an “I don’t know what this is” gesture.

You stand up, shielding your eyes against the light from the ship and call up, “Yes…”

The voice continues. “Would you like to stop evil with the power of the cross?”

You and Melvin look at each other with raised eyebrows, not that Melvin has eyebrows. “Yes we would!” you call.

“Great! Come on up!” Suddenly, the light gets brighter, and you feel your whole body painfully crackling with electricity, and everything goes white.

The whiteness fades, and eventually, so does the pain of a million electric shocks. As your eyes adjust, you find yourself sitting in the cockpit of a spaceship, with controls for some sort of laser cannon in front of you. Everything here is blue, except for buttons and controls, which are bright yellow. You see through the forward window that you are hurtling through space, and that the other blue cube ship is flying right next to you. Suddenly, a comm screen crackles on, and you see an intense looking man in dreadlocks and rainbow war paint wearing some kind of tribal garb.

“Achh, Player, you are there!”

You and Melvin glance at each other. “Yes,” you say, “I’m here. Though I didn’t think I’d survive that… electro-beam, or whatever.”

“Ha! Our Spectraport! The proud teleport of the warriors of Spectra! You must feel great honor!”

Melvin says, “All we felt was great pain! And I think my eyebrows are gone,” not that he has any eyebrows.

“Ya! The Spectraport is not for the weak! But you are here now.” He adjusts a flight lever, and you see, on the screen, his controls are a mirror of yours. “So! You are ready to use the power of the cross to fight evil, ya?”

“We, uh, are ready to go to Dracula’s castle, and get the key he guards, if you have the magic crosses to fight him, if that’s what you mean,” you say, hoping to clarify the situation.

“Castle? No, no, we fly to planet Tsoris! We will use the power of the cross to destroy Mechanolds!”

You and Melvin look at each other. “Do you mean Mechanoids?” asks Melvin.

The rainbow painted warrior on the screen shakes his head. “No, no… Mechanolds, you know. Morpuls.”

You both stare at him blankly.

“Come on,” he says, “Morpuls! The greatest enemy of Spectra! You know, Gupoids, Flashers, Parasoids, Nastroids... you know, right?”

“Look,” you say, “you asked if we wanted to use the power of the cross to destroy evil. That’s what we want to do. We need magic crosses so we can stop Dracula. We… didn’t plan on going into deep space.”

The warrior looks upset. “What is Dracula? We go to fight Morpuls for the honor of Spectra! Our ships have the Spectron, yes? It is our secret weapon against the Morpuls! A holographic dual laser blaster zat will connect our ships and destroy the Morpuls in a cross fire! Nothing can survive the power of the cross force!”

You put your head in your hand. “We don’t know anything about that. Why are you even fighting the Morpuls?”

The warrior seems affronted. “They are our greatest enemy! The time we all are waiting for has come! Thanks to our brave warriors, the invasion of the planet Spectra is over! We fly to planet Tzoris to avenge our honor!”

Melvin seems as upset as you are. “How did you even find us? Why would you come all the way to Earth to drag us into this?”

He adjusts more flight controls. “I heard about you from that Phaser Patrol woman… Jennifer. I needed a battle partner, but she says she is too busy now as Administrator, but that you could win any battle. So, I came to get you.”

You look at Melvin. “I guess our reputation precedes us.” You look back at the screen. “Wait, why do you need anyone? You are a warrior, yes? Why do you need to recruit us?”

“Because I have Spectron! Spectra tradition says that warriors who have Spectron must find an ally to fly together, and fire the cross laser! I choose you as my ally to avenge Spectra!”

“Hm,” you say, looking at the controls. “These look pretty simple. Left and right, and fire.” You try firing, and bright white beam connects your two ships.

“Careful!” says the warrior. “Fire it too much, and it will overheat!”

“Who made this?” asks Melvin. “The Terrans?”

“Now,” says the warrior, “we are almost to Tzoris. We must make a decision. For battle, we can have our ships move together, firing laser in straight line, or in opposite directions, firing laser in a diagonal line. You, as ally, must choose.”

You visualize what this means. “Isn’t straight better? We can cover the whole battlefield that way. If we shoot diagonally, we can’t even reach half the enemies. I mean… who would want that?”

“Diagonal is traditional Spectra battle technique.”

“But… it’s… a terrible idea.”

“Is tradition!” he shouts.

Melvin shouts back. “You said Spectra tradition is that the ally gets to choose. So, we will choose, not you!”

The warrior smiles. “Ha ha! I knew you would be good warriors! He looks out his front window. “We are here at planet Tzoris! Prepare for battle! Avenge Spectra!” Your ships automatically fly into mirror formation, just as the mothership flies up from the surface of the planet. You get ready to fire at it. The warrior calls out, “Don’t shoot! The Mothership is indestructible! Only the Mechanolds it releases can be destrovied!”

“Destrovied?” asks Melvin.

“Wait…” you say. “If the Mothership is indestructible, why not use that as the attack ship?”

The warrior intones gravely, “It is not the Morpul way.”

You look at the weird yellow mothership, and then you look at Melvin. “We’re a long way from a haunted house.”

Melvin climbs into the laser chamber. “You just man that Spectron, and keep us from becoming ghosts!”

Place the Cross Force cartridge into your Atari 2600. Choose either game select 1 or 2, and set the difficulty switches to b. Play until you score 30,000 points. Post a link to a video in the comments section of yourself completing the challenge.

Chapter 53: Happy Halloween

You’ve been running all around this crazy house, and every time you find Peek, the toy piano plays “The Bear Went over the Mountain,” he vanishes, and you have to find him again. But the third time, you hold him tightly by the shoulders. “Peek,” you say, out of breath, “why do you keep hiding?” He looks into your eyes, alarmed. “Because, the bad man is coming. We have to hide, or he’ll get us.” He tries to squirm away from you, but you hold him tightly.

“What bad man?” you ask. “Peek, what bad man are you hiding from?”

He looks at you seriously. “The bad man with the knife. No one can stop him, so we have to hide.”

“Peek,” you say firmly. “I’ve been all over this house. There’s no one here but us.”

“Not now,” says Peek. “I mean back then.”

“Back when?”

“Back when the house was different,” says Peek. Suddenly Peek looks hopeful. “You are good at hide and seek. If… I take you there, do you think you can stop the bad man? Our babysitter wasn’t good at hiding, and the bad man found all of us. But maybe you can find him.”

“But Peek,” you say, “if that already happened, how can we stop it?”

Suddenly you realize the house is different. There are other children in the room, and you have long blonde hair and are wearing a red skirt. Peek looks up at you. “Quick,” he says, “the bad man is here. Help us hide.” He and the other children scramble in all directions, and you hear the terrifying Michael Myers music from Halloween playing, and see the silhouette of a knife wielding maniac entering the room just as the lights go out.

Place the Halloween cartridge into your Atari 2600. Try to get the children to the safe rooms. Play until you score 10,000 points or more. Post a link to a video in the comments section of yourself completing the challenge.

Chapter 52: A Ghost of a Chance

Finally, you and Melvin manage to win two consecutive games. Suddenly the cards all disappear, and projections of four creepy houses appear in their place. The Queen speaks as if in a trance. “Tonight you will visit four haunted houses, each more terrifying than the last. One of them contains fragments of…” she struggles for a moment, “…the Urn of Spirit Bay.” You see visions of a powerful magic urn smashed to pieces, and surrounded by ghosts and other horrors. The horrors flash by with increasing speed. You see spiders crawling over dead bodies, a terrifying vampire, an axe wielding mummy, a man in a mask waving a bloody knife, and other things too horrible to contemplate. Suddenly with a flash, the vision ends, and the Queen falls back in her throne, sobbing.

“There, there, my Queen,” says Melvin, quite alarmed, trying to soothe her. “We’ve already dealt with giant snakes from the planet Nekoboh tonight, I’m… sure we can handle this, too.”

She collects herself, sitting up regally and drying her eyes. “I’m sure you can, little missile. The reason I’m crying is because of the horrors I held in place by letting the urn leave our castle. I don’t remember all the details, all I remember is a very cruel man named Zachary Graves who insisted that the urn was his birthright. He used it to do horrible things, in the hopes that he might be able to live forever.”

“So… did it work?” asks Melvin, like a child listening to a ghost story.

“That is never how the power of the urn was meant to be used. I don’t know exactly what happened, but I can see in my mind that it killed him.”

“Oh,” says Melvin, relieved. “So… we just have to find the pieces of it? Should be no problem.”

“Were it that simple, little missile. He tried to bring as much evil into one place as he could, in hopes of amplifying the power of the urn. He trapped hundreds of evil spirits in his house, and so much concentrated evil killed him, and destroyed the urn. I believe he still haunts the house trying to reassemble the urn. The hundreds of horrible spirits he brought to his house are still trapped there as well, getting angrier and angrier. That is the horror you must face.”

You and Melvin are both pale. You think back. “You… said we would visit four haunted houses tonight?”

“Yes,” says the Queen. “No one has entered the Graves mansion for decades. A powerful force makes even approaching the house impossible, unless you have the master key.”

“And where is the key?” asks Melvin, glancing around the many empty alcoves in the throne room.

She shakes her head. “I do not know, little missile. But I feel sure that you will visit four houses tonight in search of it.”

Charlie has been listening quietly, and seriously. “There is a house on the outskirts of town that is supposed to be haunted. It’s up on a hill. It used to be a day care, but… something terrible happened there. Some of my ball players used to talk about it, they were always telling ghost stories.”

“Do we have to do this in the night?” you ask. “It seems like the worst time to visit haunted houses.”

The Queen sighs. “I fear that you must, Player. I’m not sure you can retrieve the urn any other way.”

“Well,” says Melvin, “if we must, we must! It would seem that our game of bridge has led us to a bridge to the unknown. And if it will save our land and our Queen, we will face any terror!”

The Queen gives a small smile. “You are brave, little missile. Player, are you prepared for this challenge?”

“I’m as prepared as I’ll ever be. Charlie, can you point the way?”

Charlie looks out the window, and points ominously to a spooky house, high on a hill outside of town, silhouetted by a rising moon. “It’s easy to find,” he says, “just listen for the music.”

You and Melvin make your way out of the gray gloom that surrounds the castle, through a dark path in the forest. In the far distance, you hear what sounds like a child’s toy piano playing an off-key rendition of “No place like home.” There is something weird and haunting about it. “Melvin, are you sure we should be doing this?”

Melvin is shuddering. “N-no… f-frankly, I think we sh-should just go play p-pinball… b-but… what else can we d-do?”

You reach the top of the steep path, and emerge from the forest, into a clearing, where the house is. The house is dark, but a thin arc of smoke stretches from the chimney across the sky, and the creepy music is clearly coming from inside. You look at Melvin. “I guess we’re doing this,” you say. “I guess so,” says Melvin, gulping. You cautiously walk up the path, and as you step on the landing, it creaks ominously, and the music stops. The door creaks open all by itself. A breath of cold, foul air pours out of the door and surrounds you. You shift your weight uncertainly, and the boards under your feet creak in what sounds like a human voice. “Come… in…” it creaks slowly. Startled, you draw back, stepping on more boards which now form a chorus of increasingly angry voices, “come in come in come in COME IN COME IN COME IN” they cry, and to your horror, you find yourself clapping your hands over your ears and running into the dark house. You trip in the dark, and fall, plunging into what feels like cold water, and suddenly you find yourself sitting in a brightly lit room, looking into the eyes of a little boy.

“Hello,” he says, sitting cross-legged, and playing with a toy truck. “My name is Peek. Will you play hide and seek with me? I have to hide because the bad man is coming. Now, cover your eyes.”

You hesitate. What is this weird place? You look around the room, which is completely bare except for a single green couch. Who is this kid?

“Hurry!” shouts the boy, “Cover your eyes before the bad man comes!” He is laughing, but looks like he could cry at any moment. You cover your eyes, just for a moment, but think better of it, and when you look up, Peek is gone. You hear his giggling voice from far away, “Come find me…” Also far away you hear the child’s piano again, this time playing “Where have you gone, Billy Boy, Billy Boy?” and you get the feeling that if you can’t find him, something quite terrible indeed is going to happen.

Place the Sneak and Peek cartridge into your Atari 2600. Place difficulty settings on b. Use game select 1. Play until you can find Peek three times in a row. Post a link to a video in the comments section of yourself completing the challenge.

Chapter 51: A Bridge Too Far

You have destroyed several snakes with the laser cannon, and each new one seems to get faster and faster! But this is the last one, you are certain of it, because you can see the glittering Sport Combat Ring around the tip of its tail! You dodge more deadly venom, launch Melvin up for a final blast, and Zap! The final snake vaporizes, and you see the ring tumbling through space, end over end, as if in slow motion. You jump out of the control pod, leap into the air, thrust your hand up at it, and as if by magic, it slides right onto your finger. It glitters and shines with the marks of many warriors. You land back on the control pod, panting, with the moon, star, and city lights glittering off the ring on your triumphantly extended hand.

A cold wind blows, and whistles through the ruins of the arena that lie all around you. Melvin flies over, whistling himself. “That ring looks so cool! We did it!”

Below, Smilin’ Sam rolls up. “Hey, up there!” he calls. You and Melvin climb down the control pod, to find Sam rolling over the wreckage of his once beautiful arena. “Why, you two did it! I knew you could!”

“Sorry about your arena,” you say.

He taps his cigar, and you watch the ash fall down into, well, more ashes. “I guess the time had come for the end of my old arena.” He cocks his hat. “Funny thing. I had completely forgotten that Mister Mean was just a bag of snakes.” He rubs his digital eyes. “I mean, I knew, when I signed up, that he was a collection of snakes from the planet Nekoboh… but… somehow, over the years, I just forgot.”

“Nekoboh!” says Melvin. “That’s supposed to be one of the meanest planets in the galaxy. No wonder those snakes were so nasty!”

Sam reflects some more. “I… guess they were using energy from the ring to build their power. I’m glad you stopped them when you did! No telling what they could have taken over!”

You think you’ve got it figured out. “I guess they were drawing energy from the ring. That’s why you couldn’t remember. The treasures of the Rainbow Palace are what keep the memory of the Atariverse intact. It’s why we have to get these treasures back to Queen Stella.”

Sam claps you on the shoulder with his mighty metal claw. “You better do just that. Those snakes might have destroyed my arena, but they could have done much worse. You definitely earned that ring. I’ll let you take it to the Queen, I’ve got an arena to rebuild. If I’m fast, maybe we can have Shufflefoot matches by this weekend!”

You wince at the thought, and you and Melvin climb over the wreckage, while Sam barks orders to the maintenance robots.

Back at the castle, you are glad to see that things are getting gradually more orderly. Almost all the rubble is gone, and there are banners hanging that weren’t there before. Even though everything is still gray, you get the feeling these would be bright rainbows if you could see color here. Charlie Hustle greets you excitedly at the door. “Did you get the ring?”

“You bet we did!” shouts Melvin.

“Funny you say that,” laughs Charlie. “I had fifty bucks on you in that Mister Mean fight! And at seven to one odds!”

“You should give us a cut,” says Melvin, raising a non-existent eyebrow.

“Instead, I’ll take you to the Queen!” says Charlie, unperturbed. He takes you to the throne room, now neat and tidy. The Crown, the Baseball Ring and the Star Stone float, glowing, in their alcoves on the wall… but there are still so very many empty alcoves.

“My Queen, our heroes have returned!” calls Charlie, and her eyes flicker open.

“Player! Little missile! How did you fare in the arena of combat?”

You kneel down and present the ring to the Queen. It floats up, grandly, and an impressive “4/26” appears in the air. There is, again, a flash of color everywhere that quickly fades. The ring flies to its proper alcove. “Very impressive!” says the Queen. “You have recovered two of the five sporting rings! Would that I knew where the other three could be found.” She closes her eyes and thinks. “No matter. Already I can feel new memories coursing into my system from this recovered ring. As usual, I need to calibrate.” She closes her eyes again, and concentrates. “Now that there are four treasures recovered, we will need to calibrate with a four-player game. Mister Rose, please bring the gaming table.”

“No problem, your highness,” says Charlie, carrying over a large square table, and placing it in front of the Queen. The Queen gestures. “Mister Rose and I will be north/south if you two will be east/west. Let us begin.” She closes her eyes in meditation, and digital cards start to fly out of her eyes to the four sides of the table.

“Melvin,” you whisper across the table. “What is this?”

“It’s Bridge,” replies Charlie. “If you don’t know how to play,” he smiles, “you will soon.”

You pick up your cards, slightly confused, and realize that you need to bid.

Place the Bridge cartridge into your Atari 2600. Set difficulty switches to b. Use game select 1. Play until you can win two matches in a row. Post a link to a video in the comments section of yourself completing the challenge.

Chapter 50: A Snake in the Grass

It was incredibly difficult, and took more than a few hits of your reset button, but with tremendous effort, patience, and luck you manage to defeat Mister Mean! Fireworks explode on the video screens, accompanied by real fireworks launching from all four posts of the ring! The referee leans down over his prone body to remove the ring, but Mister Mean suddenly leaps up, hissing loudly. “Sssstep away! Thisss ring belongsss to ussss!”

You and Melvin look at each other, puzzled, and each ask “Us?”

The referee is all business, though, and steps back up to Mister Mean, reaching for the ring. Enraged, Mister Mean punches him so hard that he flies out of the ring. Horrifyingly, Mister Mean’s fist splits in half, and three angry snake heads stick out where his hand used to be. With his other hand, he reaches up and grabs the black leather facemask he wears, and rips it off, revealing more writhing snake heads. You see his skin start to swell, and burst apart, revealing a huge mass of snakes, each one a different color. One of them, a red and yellow cobra, starts to grow rapidly, and looms over the ring menacingly. You can see it glowing with power, and it keeps growing until its head presses up against the ceiling of the arena. It looks up at the ceiling with irritation, and smashes its head up and through the roof with a tremendous crash. Most of the roof collapses, leaving only parts of the building standing. The red and yellow snake is hundreds of feet high, and the wrestling fans are running every which way. Suddenly, the snake starts spitting venom, which rains down on the spectators. As you and Melvin stand staring up at all this in numb shock, Smilin’ Sam rolls up, not smiling for once. “Don’t get near that venom,” he says calmly, “it’s fatal.” A few more venom bombs explode around you.

“What do we do?” shouts Melvin, in a panic.

Sam sighs. “I don’t know. If only we had someone here who knew how to operate a laser cannon.”

“Do you have a laser cannon?” you ask, as the snake suddenly shoots down a laser of its own, blowing up a concession stand.

“Of course!” says Sam. “It’s mostly for special effects, but when you run a place like this, you have to be prepared for anything. Unfortunately, though, it’s the laser girl’s day off.”

“We can do it!” shouts Melvin. “Where is it?”

Sam seems pleasantly surprised, as a venom bomb blows up the seats next to him.

“Well, it’s right over there,” he points to a red satellite dish on the west side of the arena. “If you climb into that control pod, you can probably steer it back and forth to block some of these…” just then, a venom bomb blows his hat off.  “…bombs,” he continues. “It can block that laser too. Slide it into either the red or blue satellite dish, and you can fire a laser ball, which you should be able to steer up at that snake. By my calculation,” you see a bunch of equations appear in his eyes, “you should be able to destroy it in about eight hits. But you’ll need to hit it right in the eyes.” He looks up at the snake, and taps the ash off his cigar. “Heh, at least there’s only one of these things.”

Just then, while you wonder where the other snakes got to, the enormous cobra fires down another laser beam, and blows up half the wrestling ring. “We’re on it,” says Melvin.

“Good luck!” says Sam. “And, good job beating Mister Me…” But a venom bomb explodes right in front him, cutting him off. You and Melvin dash to the red control pod, and jump in. It has a sort of steering wheel that lets you fly it back and forth between the two satellite dishes.

“These controls are slippery,” you observe/complain to Melvin, but you manage to block a few of the venom bombs, to the snake’s obvious irritation.

“Get to the dish!” shouts Melvin, “so I can get into the cannon!” You slide the pod over to the satellite dish, and it sockets into a loading chamber. Melvin pops into it. “All clear!” shouts Melvin, then, “Let’s get ready to rummb…” and you hit the fire button, thankfully cutting him off before he can finish. Melvin flies up into the air toward the snake, and you use the steering wheel to guide him toward the eyes.

“Wow,” you say to yourself. “This is way more sport combat than I bargained for.”

Place the GI Joe cartridge into your Atari 2600. Use game select 1, and set the difficulty switches to a. Play until you get a score of 20,000. Post a link to a video in the comments section of yourself completing the challenge.

Chapter 49: How About a Hug?

And again the fans are cheering! You are exhausted, bruised, and bleary from the fight, but you are looking better than Iron Fists, who is unconscious on the mat. The ref holds up your gloved hand. Well, technically, your whole arm is gloved, since you are wearing a rubber suit. He calls into the microphone “The Player wins!” The crowd cheers, and fireworks play on large screens above the ring. But then, something more ominous appears. A giant angry face in a black leather mask sneers out at the crowd from the giant screens. The sound system plays a thunderclap and a furious electric guitar riff. A deep-voiced announcer intones “The Player has beaten the Ebony Blob, the Green Ghost, and Iron Fists.”  A highlight reel of your successes from all three matches flashes up on the screen. “But no player in history has ever beaten Mister Mean.” Suddenly, clips appear of the masked wrestler cruelly punishing a series of opponents in the ring. You see what appear to be a series of violent injuries. In some clips, opponents are taken out of the ring on stretchers. Mister Mean himself now faces the camera. He holds up his hand which bears the sparkling combat sports ring. It seems to glow with power. “I’ve had thisss ring for decadessss, and I will never sssssurrender it to anyone!” He flicks his tongue out, and it seems to be actually forked, like a snake tongue. “The Player will sssubmit to me, or sssuffer the conssssequencessss!” The video ends with huge letters reading “TONIGHT AT 8.”

You are somewhat alarmed. “Melvin!” you shout. “What is this about? Do I have to wrestle? I don’t know anything about wrestling!” Melvin looks uncertain. “It… sure looks like it. Listen… don’t worry. We’ll go talk to Smilin’ Sam, and find out who ‘Mister Mean’ really is.”

Back in his office, Sam puffs on cigar, and says “I don’t actually know who Mister Mean is.”

“How is that possible?” you ask. “He’s on your payroll, isn’t he?”

“No… not exactly,” says Sam. “I needed a tough fighter to make the Sport Combat Challenge difficult, and Mister Mean was the toughest there was. So, I gave him the ring, and told him that he could keep it until someone could beat him in the wrestling ring. And no one ever has.”

“Wait,” says Melvin, “and you haven’t paid him in all that time?”

Sam reflects. “No… no, he was always just happy to guard the ring. Never asked for more payment than that.” A small panel on his shoulder opens up, and he taps the ashes from his cigar into it. “But what do you care about that? You’ve got a wrestling match to prepare for!” His eyes light up as actual dollar signs. “It’s a sold out show! No one has fought Mister Mean in quite a while, and the crowd is thirsty for blood!” He realizes how that sounds, and his eyes go back to normal, and he says, “Not that… uh… I mean, you’ve done so well, I’m sure you’ll win!”

You are irritated with the whole situation. “I always thought wrestling was fake. Aren’t the winners decided ahead of time?”

Sam shakes his head. “Maybe some places – but not here! Our wrestling is all legitimate competition.”

“But who is Mister Mean?” asks Melvin. “I mean, when he’s not in the rubber suit? You must know that.”

Sam rubs his temple, straining to remember. “It… was so long ago… I should remember… but… no, it’s no good.” He shrugs. “What do you care about that, anyway? You don’t need to know who he is, any more than you needed to know about Iron Fists, or the Green Ghost. You just need to get up there, and give him a good fight.”

Melvin sighs. “Well, the match starts pretty soon. Got any advice?”

Sam scratches his head. “That Mister Mean can be a real snake. He’s tough to get a hold of, and will slither away when you try to get him in a bear hug. But don’t give up! All you have to do is wear him down, and pin him twice. You’ve been an amazing fighter this far, I’m sure you can do it. And, hey, it’s almost time for you to be in the ring! You better go pick out your suit!”

Feeling a little defeated, you and Melvin head back to the dressing room. Melvin looks over the three suits that are there for you to choose from. “Let’s see… ‘Skin Head’, 265 pounds, ‘Mad Dog,’ 390 pounds, and ‘Big Chief’, 420 pounds. How much you want to weigh, you think?”

“I don’t know. Does it matter?”

“I would think that heavier would be better for wrestling… but I’m not really sure.” He studies a poster on the wall. “Says here Mister Mean currently weighs 320 pounds, and is from Hoboken, New Jersey.”

“No wonder he’s so mean,” you say. You notice another poster, an older one, which says he’s 290 pounds. “Hey, look at this, Melvin. I guess he’s been putting on weight.”

“Ha, yeah,” says Melvin. He flits around to poster after poster. “Hey, here’s one that says he’s only 250, one that says 220, and, hey! A really old one that says he’s only 60 pounds.”

“Sixty pounds?” you ask, incredulous. “That must be a typo. Even those boxing suits weighed at least 30 pounds. How could he possibly have only weighed 60 pounds? Was he just a baby when he started? And how did he win the matches?”

“I… don’t know about that,” says Melvin. “But I do know that it’s almost time for your match! You better pick a suit and get out there!”

You get a suit on, and while it’s very heavy, it makes you feel pretty strong. You are feeling pretty confident, until you get out in the ring, and see Mister Mean holding his arms up triumphantly before a cheering crowd. He is flexing his muscles, which seem to ripple and writhe around in a way that doesn’t seem natural. He sees you and opens his mouth, flicking his long forked tongue out at you menacingly. Something is definitely weird about this guy, and you are tempted to just get out of there. But then you see the ring on his finger that bears the legend “Absolute Champion,” kind of like a miniature wrestling belt. You can see the glow of the power from the ring, and you realize that you have no choice but to try to win this.

The bell rings, and Mister Mean starts toward you. “Player,” he whispers, “Prepare to ssssuffer!”

Place the Title Match Pro Wrestling cartridge into your Atari 2600. Use Game Select 3, and pick either “Mad Dog,” “Skin Head,” or “Big Chief” as your wrestler. Play until you are able to beat Mister Mean in the best out of three falls. Post a link to a video in the comments section of yourself completing the challenge.

Chapter 48: Round Three... Fight!

The crowd counts down “3… 2… 1…” and a completely naked referee suddenly appears out of nowhere and declares you the winner. Spectronium starts flashing like a hyperactive rainbow all around you, and you see your green opponent hang their head and trudge out of the ring.

Blessedly, the floor of the ring cools down.

“You did it!” calls Melvin, spinning around your head excitedly. “And you’ve got the belt to prove it!”

You squint through the sweat in your eyes. “Melvin, why is the referee naked?”

Melvin laughs. “He’s not naked. He’s just wearing a pink rubber suit.”

“Why would the ref wear a rubber suit?”

“Don’t try to make shufflefoot karate make sense.”

You head back to the dressing room and peel off the purple suit. “Blecch – I’m glad to be done with that thing.” You are pretty sore from being kicked and punched for the last ten minutes. The rubber suit didn’t protect you much, in fact you wonder if it made the hits hurt more. You take a cool shower, which feels good after the heat of the rubber suit. You put on a soft robe, ready to go relax. But when you come out, Smilin’ Sam is there, chomping his cigar in a huge grin. His metal claw grabs your hand and pumps it in an overzealous handshake. “Great job, Player! Did you see that crowd? I knew Shufflefoot would be a big hit!” He claps you on the back, and you wince in pain as his claw pounds a bruise on your shoulder. “Oh… sorry, there, player! Well, rest up… because your next bout is in a couple of hours!”

“Wait… what?”

“It’s all part of the challenge! We sold these folks tickets for a triple feature! Shufflefoot, Realsports™ Boxing, and then a match against Mister Mean himself!”

“Mister… Mean?” you ask with some concern.

“Heh, that’s right! I bet you’re excited! Not everyone gets to go up against a star like that!” He claps your shoulder again, and you fall to the floor. “Whoops… sorry, kid… forgot about the shoulder.” He turns on his wheel. “Might as well rest while you’re down there. You’re going up against Iron Fists in just a couple hours.”

You wake up to find Melvin flitting back and forth in front of your face. “Hey, Player! Wake up! It’s almost time for you to get out there!”

You sit up, feeling bleary and sore. “Melvin, I don’t know if I can do this.”

“You’ve got to do it, Player! The Queen needs the ring back!”

“Right…” you mutter, painfully rising to your feet. “…the Queen.” You stagger a little bit. “Okay… what do I do?”

Melvin gestures to three rubber suits hanging on hooks, each a different variety of skin color. “Pick one of these.”

“Another rubber suit?” you exclaim.

“Calm down,” says Melvin. “These aren’t bad. Unlike the shufflefoot suit, these will give you some padding. So… who you gonna be? Jabbin’ Jack? Lefty O’ Leary? Or Macho Man?”

You look them over. “This one seems okay.” You climb into the suit, and unlike the last one, this one is actually comfortable, and doesn’t feel all slimy. And you can see pretty well.

Melvin whistles. “Wow! You look like a real boxer! The suit almost makes it look like you have some muscles!”

“Haw haw.” He’s right, though – you look like a professional boxer – gloves and everything. “So… how’s this work?”

“Well…” says Melvin, “this is Realsports™. It pretty much works like regular boxing. Hit ‘em a lot with a flurry of jabs, get in some body blows, and try to get in a payoff punch or two. You’ll fight seven rounds, or until someone gets KO’d.

You throw some punches while watching yourself in the mirror. “So… what do you know about… what’s his name?”

“Iron Fists.”

You swallow nervously. “Yeah… what do you know about him?”

“He’s tough,” admits Melvin. “But… they say he has tender ribs. If you can score a toe-to-toe body blow against him when your score bar starts blinking, you might be able to take him down.”

A little robot holds the door back out the ring open. “Okay, Player, you’re up!” says Melvin. “Remember – lots of jabs, and when the time is right, body blow!”

You jog out to the ring, and see lots of cheering fans. Your time unconscious on the floor did you good – you almost feel like you could do this!

Place the Realsports™ Boxing cartridge into your Atari 2600. Use game select 1, and set the difficulty switch to a. Play until you win a match. Post a link to a video in the comments section of yourself completing the challenge.

Chapter 47: I Could Use a Belt

Ding ding! The bell rings for the end of the match, and the crowd goes wild – you won! The referee holds up your rubbery spherical hand, and the crowd chants “Play-er, Play-er, Play-er, Play-er!” Melvin whips in circles around your head. “YAHOO!” You stagger out of the ring, and back to the dressing room. You peel off the sticky white rubber suit, and Smilin’ Sam rolls in, chomping his cigar with a great big mechanical smile. He pumps your hand with his claw. “Great job, kid! They love you!” You’re exhausted from the match. It was only two minutes, but it felt a lot longer, and that rubber suit only provided so much protection. “I’ve got you down for your next match tomorrow!”

You are still a little dizzy from getting punched so much. “So… more boxing?”

Smilin’ Sam shakes his head and waves his cigar. “No, no, kid, Karate! That’s the next step in the challenge, and people love martial arts!”

Melvin sails in. “Karate? You’re not talking about a Shufflefoot match, are you?”

“Naturally! You have to give the people what they want!”

Melvin claps his hand over his face, and slowly slides it down to his chin, not that he has any of those things. “Sam, no one wants to see a Shufflefoot match.”

“What?” says Sam, “You don’t know what you’re talking about. People love karate!” He shouts “Hiii-yaa!” and accidentally smashes a porcelain sink to bits with his heavy metal claw.

“Yeah,” says Melvin, “Everyone loves Karate, but… come on, Shufflefoot? It’s… bizarre and incomprehensible!”

Sam smiles and shakes his head. “You kids today. Anyway, make sure to rest up, your Shufflefoot Karate match is all set for tomorrow! You go up against the Green Ghost!” and he wheels out the door.

You ask Melvin, “What was that all about?” and he just sighs. “Shufflefoot Karate is… pretty strange. But, if it’s part of the challenge, I guess we’re doing it!”

“What do you mean we?” you ask.

“Hey, every champion needs a coach,” insists Melvin. “Anyway, we’ll have time to train tomorrow. We’ve got a hotel room upstairs, and right now… you need a shower.”

“You’re telling me! That rubber suit is a nightmare! I didn’t sweat that much when Silaros was melting! If I have to wear another one tomorrow, don’t tell me.”

“Okay, I won’t tell you. But I will meet you down in the gym first thing tomorrow.”

After a good night’s sleep, and a healthy breakfast, you meet Melvin in the gym, where different boxers and fighters are lifting weights, jumping rope, and doing some other kinds of training. Melvin guides you over to a purple rubbery thing hanging on a hook by a large yellow mat.

“Tell me that’s not another rubber suit.”

“Okay,” says Melvin, “it’s not.”

“But it is, isn’t it?”

“Yeah.”

It’s thinner this time, but it adheres to your body just as disturbingly as the white one.

“Now… step out on the yellow mat,” says Melvin.

You do, and immediately your feet start to burn, like a hot day on a dry beach. You start hopping back and forth, trying not to let either of them touch the mat for too long. “Yow! Melvin! What’s wrong with this mat?” you shout, pitter-pattering as fast as you can manage.

Melvin sighs. “That would be why they call it Shufflefoot. It’s supposed to… keep things moving, or… something.”

“Shouldn’t the rubber suit insulate my feet?” you cry, hopping back and forth.

“No, actually, it’s a special kind of rubber designed to conduct heat.”

You are practically tap dancing to avoid the pain. “And I have to do this for two minutes?” you cry, exasperated.

Melvin sighs again. “No, for ten. There’s five rounds.”

“What?” you shout. “Why? Do you mean, best three out of five?” Constantly shuffling your feet is making your breathe pretty fast.

“That would make sense, but… you always have to do five rounds. Come on, let’s practice.” He takes the form of a sort of shadow. “Go ahead, try to kick and punch me, and I’ll read you the rules.” You shuffle over to try to kick him, but he dodges you skillfully. “Karate is Chinese tranditional fighting and defending skill and feat,” says Melvin.

“What?” you say.

“Every action in Karate is the beautiful combination of power and art.”

“Uh, okay,” you try landing some punches, but he keeps dodging you.

“Now, you can enjoy yourself in this Orient Great Art – Karate,” says Melvin, listlessly.

“Are you making fun of how Chinese people talk? Because that’s not cool,” you say, shuffling slowly and panting.

“No, these are the actual official rules, I’m just reading them word for word. Now, where was I?” He shuffles back and your high kick misses him. “The game 5 screens. Every screen takes 2 minutes. The belt of the winer will be changed step by step, from the white to the black.”

“The winer?”

“I’m just reading the rules,” says Melvin.

“So… how do you wine, I mean, win, exactly?”

“You get 10 points every time you land a punch.” You punch Melvin in the chest, and indeed, the scoreboard registers ten points. “Body kicks are 15 points, and kicks to the face are 20.” You get in a couple kicks, and see that this is true.

“A skillful beating down is 60 points,” Melvin unhelpfully explains.

“What does that mean?”

“You kick the guy in the face just right. Stand… right there. Now, high kick.” You try it, and Melvin’s shadow dramatically collapses, and you score 60 points.

“But the real secret to shufflefoot karate,” confides Melvin, “is to just keep running away. Get ahead of your opponent, and then don’t let them catch you.”

Your feet are really burning now. The two minutes are up, and the floor suddenly cools, and Melvin snaps back to his normal glowing square self. “Whew!” You exclaim. “I couldn’t take much more of that.”

Just then Sam rolls up. “I see you’re ready! Well, the Green Ghost is ready for you!” Grudgingly, you follow him out to the arena, which you see is now a yellow mat, just like in the training area. The house is packed, and people are shouting with excitement. “See?” says Sam excitedly. “I told you they’d come to see it!” You step out onto the mat, and see someone else in a green rubber suit facing you. The floor heats up, and you both start to slowly shuffle toward each other. You try not to think about how sweaty your feet are.

Put the Karate cartridge into your Atari 2600. Use game select 1. Play until you win the game. Post a link to a video in the comments section of yourself completing the challenge.

Chapter 46: Boxing Day

“Whew!” you cry, your overtaxed brain spinning with numbers and patterns. The hovering hologram cross winks back into the eyes of the Queen, who blinks and takes a breath. “Thank you,” she says quietly. “The Starstone will give me access to a great deal of memory, I can tell. But even this short calibration session has given me the key to another of the twenty-six treasures.”

“Do we have to go back into space?” says Melvin, somewhat warily.

She smiles. “No, little missile, not this time. All that counting has helped me recall the second of the five athletic challenges.”

“Oh!” says Melvin, “more sports, eh?” He looks at you encouragingly. “That should be fun – I’m sure that’ll be easy compared to fighting Zylons!”

“Krylons,” you correct him.

“Just as I gave a ring to Mister Rose as incentive for a baseball challenge, I now remember I gave out another for a combat sports challenge.”

Images of The Hunger Games run through your mind. “Wait… combat sports?”

Charlie Hustle, nearby in his guard uniform, whispers to you, “Like boxing.”

“Oh… like boxing,” you say.

“Yes, exactly,” says the Queen. “I don’t know the entirety of the challenge, but I now remember the ring going to a certain robot. He had one wheel, and, if I recall, a cigar. Mister Rose, can you be of assistance here?”

Melvin interrupts. “That one wheel makes it sound like Vic Hickle.”

“No,” says Charlie, “She’s talking about Smilin’ Sam. Sam and Vic could be cousins, though. If… robots have cousins. He sets up all the boxing matches at the arena. I never knew there was a challenge, though.”

The Queen lowers her head, “Yes, I’m certain there were five athletic challenges, and I believe you are quite right, Sam was his name. Do you know where he can be found?”

“Oh sure,” says Charlie. “There are events just about every day down at the arena. Sam’s a robot, but he’s a straight shooter. He loves anything that gets people to come watch his matches. You go tell him that you’re a Player who wants to win the fighting challenge, and he’ll probably be excited. We haven’t had Players in ages, and he always likes something new.”

“How about that?” says Melvin. “First a baseball diamond, now a boxing ring!”

You groan, and the Queen smiles politely. “Do you need anything else for your journey? I am eager to begin my meditation so that I might integrate these memories.”

You both agree you need nothing further, and bow to her as she enters her trance. Charlie escorts you out. You are pleased to see how the castle is on the road to recovery. After you exit, Charlie claps you on the back. “Heh, if you are as good a fighter as you were a hitter, this should be no problem. Watch out, though – Smilin’ Sam does like to mix things up a bit.” He resumes his guard post, and you and Melvin head downtown to the arena.

When you ask at the rear entrance, a robot secretary points you to Sam’s office. You walk down a dingy hallway, the walls lined with old posters from boxing and wrestling matches, and the ceiling yellowed with cigar smoke. You find a wood-framed door with frosted glass that just reads “OFFICE.” You knock, and hear a metallic “come in.” You open the door and see a cigar-chomping robot holding an old fashioned telephone in his right claw. “No, no, no!” he yells into the phone. “You tell Mad Dog if he can’t fight tomorrow, I’ll find someone who will.” He slams down the phone, shifts the cigar in his mouth, and starts flipping through his rolodex. Without looking up, he asks, “What do you two want?”

You swallow. “We’re… here for the, uh, the…”

“The combat sports challenge.” Says Melvin.

He stops flipping, and turns his white laser-like eyes to you. “The what?”

“The, uh, combat sports challenge,” you say nervously. “The Queen sent us.”

“The Queen?” he says incredulously. “We don’t have a…” He holds his head in his robot claws for a moment. “Wait a second…” His eyes flash into a scanning mode that you’ve seen robots do when they are thinking hard. Suddenly the scanning stops, and there are two dollar signs were his eyes were. Then, just as quickly, the white laser dots reappear. He smacks his head with one of his claws, and it makes a loud clang. “How could I forget about that? She was quite a fighter herself, right? She defeated Tyrannus and Konjuro! And we agreed to… right! The combat sports challenge! The Queen gave me the ring… when? A long time ago! Somehow… I forgot.”

“You forgot because the Queen gave away too many treasures,” explains Melvin. “With every treasure she gave out, a little more memory fell away for everyone in the Atariverse.”

Sam eyes you skeptically. “Then why am I remembering now?”

“Because we are gathering the treasures!” says Melvin. “We already have three, and the sport combat ring is the fourth! If you have it, and could give it to us, it will be a great help to the entire kingdom.”

Sam looks back and forth between both of you. “You’re serious, aren’t you?” He stops. “Wait a minute!” He looks right at you. “Are you a… Player?”

You nod. He goes on. “Of course, you’re a Player, and he’s a missile! I… forgot we ever had Players!” He takes a drink from a stained cup of coffee on his desk. “This is great! I can see it now… ‘First Player match in years! Can the Mystery Player reclaim the Ring?’ They’ll line up around the block to see it!”

“Whoa whoa whoa!” shouts Melvin. “Slow down. You know how important it is for the Queen to get the ring back. Why don’t you just give it to us? Why make us fight?”

“Believe me,” says Sam. “I would if I could. There’s no more patriotic Atarian than me. I don’t know how I forgot our Queen, but I’d do anything to help her. But I don’t have the ring. Big Chief has it, and he won’t give it up without a fight.”

“Can’t you just tell him how important it is?” asks Melvin.

Sam laughs. “Big Chief was never much for… reasoning. All he understands is fighting.” He looks you up and down. “I don’t know how you’ll ever beat him, but it’s the only way. He’s more proud of that ring than any belt he ever won.”

“So…” says Melvin, “We beat Big Chief and we get the ring? Is that the whole challenge?”

He smiles. “Fortunately for both of us, it is not. There are four matches in the challenge. The early ones will… help you get in shape for the fight with Big Chief.” He starts talking to himself. “I can’t believe this! Just when I needed it, something new and exciting walks in the door.” He looks back to you. “I’m so glad you two came in here today! This will be the most exciting set of matches we’ve had in ages!” He picks up his phone. “Gladys, get this down. ‘Tonight at 8, Mystery Player versus the Ebony Blob, first match in The Quest for the Ring!’” He hangs up. “Okay, you two, go try on the suit. You’re fighting tonight!”

“The suit?” you ask.

“I’ll explain it when we get there,” says Melvin.

Later on, Melvin takes you to the warm-up area. There are all the things you’d expect to see: punching bags, jump ropes, free weights, but also this weird white rubber suit, like some strange Halloween costume. “Here it is,” says Melvin.

“Here what is?” you ask, eyeing it dubiously.

“Your rubber suit,” says Melvin. “It’s… a style of boxing that got popular here, for some reason. Just climb into it.”

The suit is open in the back, and hesitantly, you step into it. To your horror, it suddenly wraps around you, coating your entire body. For a moment, you feel sure you will suffocate, but openings for your mouth, nose, and eyes appear, and you gasp for air. “What the heck is this thing?” you say, slightly muffled, because the mouth hole isn’t exactly huge.

“It’s for protection,” says Melvin. “It’s made of liquid rubber. This way, you can’t get hurt.” You look in the mirror, and see something like the Michelin Man looking back at you. You look down at your hands, and they are large white globes. Melvin continues, “Your opponent will have one just like it, but in black. Makes it easy to tell the boxers apart, anyway. Go try it out.”

You tentatively step up to a heavy punching bag, and give it a few slugs. “Hey, this is pretty great! It’s like the suit is helping me.” You realize you can hit pretty hard with it, because each time you connect with the bag, it makes a sound like a gunshot.

“Heh, yeah, you get it,” says Melvin.

Just then, Smilin’ Sam rolls in. “You ready? You’re up next!”

You look down at your weird, white rubber covered body. “I… guess so!”

“That’s great! The house is packed! I hope you win this – we could use a few more matches like this!”

Sam rolls behind you as you walk out to the green boxing ring, and you see your mysterious black rubber opponent shadow boxing on the other side of the ring, as the announcer calls out, “in this corner, the Ebony Blob!” The crowd cheers. “And now, entering the ring, a new fighter, The Mystery Player!” Some cheer, and others boo. You step into the ring, and the Ebony Blob gives you a determined glare. The announcer continues, “Long jabs are one point, close power punches are worth two! Most points in two minutes wins!” To your surprise, there is no bell, and suddenly the Blob is coming right at you!

Place the Boxing cartridge into your Atari 2600. Use game select 1, and set difficulty switches to b. Play until you win the match. Post a link to a video in the comments section of yourself completing the challenge.

Chapter 45: Down for the Count

After what feels like an eternity of wandering a space labyrinth, constantly beset by deadly enemies, you finally set your warp sights on your goal: the planet Solaris.

“Why does it blink like that?” asks Melvin.

“It has to do with ions in their atmosphere. It’s kind of like your Aurora Borealis on Earth. I… haven’t been there since I was… young,” says the Administrator in a faraway voice.

“Here’s hoping we don’t find any surprises. Hit the button, Player!”

You press the WARP button, and once again try to keep the warp focus to zero as you rocket through a wormhole. Moments later, you find yourself coasting over a planet, with dozens of cadets on the surface.

“Look!” says Melvin. “They’re waving! We made it!”

Your finger reaches over to the LAND button, and the Administrator’s tail suddenly grabs your arm. “DON’T!” he shouts.

The ship has come to a stop and is hovering now. “Why not?” you ask, surprised.

He points. “Look at them! They aren’t waving!”

You look. He’s wrong, they are waving… but… there is something eerie about it. They all stand perfectly still… and each wave is exactly like the last.

“They are caught in a time loop,” says the Administrator. “The entire planet is a trap – that’s why it is unguarded. Anyone or anything that touches it will be caught in an infinite time loop, unable to escape.”

Melvin is irate. “So, after flying all this way, and battling every bad guy in the galaxy, we can’t land?! So what do we do? We can’t fly home, we’re in a… space knot, or whatever!”

The Administrator stares into space. “I haven’t seen the Starstone for a long time. But… if it is like I remember, we might have a chance.” He punches some keys on his console. “I’ve reprogrammed your scanner to home in on it. See if you can find it.”

You lean on the controls, and start flying past dozens, if not hundreds of creepy, looping space cadets.

“Look!” Shouts Melvin, “There it is!” You look up ahead, and down on the surface, you see a stone basin, and hovering above it is a glimmering sphere bathed in iridescent flames. “The Starstone!” shouts Melvin.

“So, do I land here?” you ask.

“No. If we land, we’re done for. Bring the ship as close as you can to the Stone, and see if you can get us to hover in place.”

You attempt the maneuver, and with some finessing, you park above the stone, and to one side. The Administrator hits a button, and the side door opens. You look down and see the flaming orb about fifteen feet below the ship. With the door open, the roar of the engines is loud. “How will we get it?” you shout above the noise. The Administrator braces himself, grabbing a safety handhold and digging his feet into the base of the seats. His long tail unfurls, and goes out the door. “Climb down my tail,” he shouts back. “And see if you can grab the orb.”

You look down at his slick green tail, dangling down next to the Starstone. “I’d get it for you, if I could,” shouts Melvin. “But… you know, incorporeal!”

Well, you think, here goes nothing. You grab hold of his tail, and lower yourself out the door. The Administrator grits his teeth, and braces himself. The tail, which always looked kind of scaly, feels warm and kind of rubbery, so you get a good grip on it, at first. But, as you climb down, the tail gets narrower, and as your hands slip a little you realize with terror and revulsion that the tail is starting to sweat. At the end is a sort of arrow head, like that of a bright green cartoon devil. You slip down but manage to stop by planting your feet on either side of it, and reach down to the orb, which hovers a few feet below you. “I can’t reach!” you shout back up to the ship, but you doubt they can hear you. You stretch a little farther, and to your horror, you slip, and fall face first down toward the sphere, your bent legs catching either side of his tail point at the last second. You now dangle like some otherworldly trapeze artist, the celestial sphere just below you. You reach down your hands, but it’s too far, you still can’t reach it. But then you feel the tail start to… stretch. You are getting closer, and closer, and with great effort, you grab it. Though it burns with a rainbow fire, it somehow feels cool to the touch. The stone basin is only another foot away, and you see, from your upside-down vantage point, the vacant expression of two looping, waving cadets just a short distance away, and you know that if you touch the basin, you’ll be as trapped as they are, because terrifyingly, the tail is still stretching. Melvin flies down and surveys your situation, flies back up and shouts, “Pull him up, Greeny! PULL!”

The stretching seems to stop, and you feel yourself being pulled up and up, the tail lifting you back up toward the ship. It wraps around you and flips you right-side up, and you tumble back in through the door.

The Administrator is still braced with his legs against the seats, and he his dripping in sweat, and seems to be unconscious. His tail hangs limply out the door. You set the Starstone to hover over your control panel, pull up his tail, and shut the door.

Melvin flies his glowing form back and forth before the Administrator’s closed eyes. “Wake up, Greeny! We did it!”

The Administrator blinks, and his eyes immediately go the Starstone, which has illuminated the dim cabin with a mesmerizing rainbow light. “It’s… as beautiful as I remembered,” he whispers. And then, wincing in pain, “Oh… my tail!” His limp, stretched, burned tail twitches around a little, but he doesn’t seem to have control over it. He seems like he might pass out again any second.

Melvin looks at you, “We’ve got the Starstone… but how can we get home to Queen Stella?” You look down at the planet. Nothing has changed – the citizens are still stuck in their time loop.

With great effort the Administrator reaches over and pushes a button on his console. Suddenly, a vast pulse of energy blasts out from the Starstone. The cadets on the surfaces start moving again. “Hey, look at this!” shouts Melvin excitedly, examining the galactic scanner. “No more star clusters! No more corridors! No more space pirates!” And he’s right – all you see is a fairly normal section of the galaxy.

Hoarsely, the Administrator explains, “I gave the stone the signal to restore things as they once were. We should be safe now. Set a course for the Mothership.”

“Aye, Aye, Captain!” says Melvin.

You chuckle and shake your head as you punch the WARP button for what you hope is the last time. Everything goes white, and when it fades, you are back in the Spaceport, which is… empty. You remember how the Mothership was about to collapse when you left, and you wonder if it is safe to be here. You don’t hear any alerts or alarms, so maybe that’s a good thing? You look back at the Administrator, who is still unconscious in the back seat. You look at Melvin. “What do we do? Leave him here?”

“I remember something about this,” says Melvin. “Touch the Starstone to his tail.”

You follow his suggestion, and lifting up the Starstone with both hands, you gingerly lower it down towards his tail. A tiny surge of energy seems to leap from the flaming ball to the end of his pointy tail, and with a gasp, he awakes. Immediately, his tail snaps back into action, dusting off his clothes as he jumps up. “What are you doing sitting here!” he exclaims. “We must see if the Mothership survived!” He scrambles out the door, and you and Melvin follow after him, you carrying the Starstone cautiously, with both hands. When you enter back into the great hall, you see to your surprise, Hero Jennifer sitting high up at the Administrator’s desk, working all kinds of buttons, switches, knobs, and levers. Occasionally, she squints at printouts and vast maps on the desk.

“How go things, Hero Jennifer?” asks the Administrator jovially.

She notices your entrance for the first time. “It’s not easy keeping this dump from falling apart,” she says. Her eyes bug out of her bright red face when she sees what you are carrying. “Holy crap, is that the Starstone?” she exclaims, and slides down the railing of the spiral staircase. She stares into its hypnotizing depths. “I grew up on Solaris, hearing stories about it my whole life. I never thought I’d… actually SEE it.” All of you stare reverently into its iridescent glow for a few long moments, until Melvin breaks the silence. “Come on, you guys, Queen Stella is waiting.”

You blink your eyes, and smile, feeling an overwhelming feeling of contentment, like waking from a wonderful dream. You see that Jennifer and the Administrator have the same look. The Administrator pats you on the back with his tail. “Player, you have indeed saved our galaxy, and possibly the entire universe. There will be more dangers, but be it known that from here on, Earth will always be an honored member of the League of Civilized Planets. He turns to Melvin. “The two of you are officially awarded the highest rank that a Player and missile may attain: Saviors of the League.”

“All right!” shouts Melvin.

“Hey!” says Jennifer. “What about our deal? Do I have Hero Class A again, or what?”

The Administrator shakes his head. “I’m afraid that’s impossible,” he says sadly.

Jennifer turns redder, if that’s possible, with fury. “WHAT? Do you know everything I did to keep this place from falling apart? I reprogrammed the shields with quantum flux shifting capability, repolarized the hull, worked the laser cannon myself, battled those stupid invaders that showed up FIVE MORE TIMES, the last time with a horrible thing that made the laser cannon twice as wide as normal so they could blow it up. And after all that, I’m STILL not Hero Class A?”

The Administrator shakes his head again. “Definitely not.”

She gets right up in his face. “And can you give me one good reason for that?”

He smiles wryly. “I can’t make you Hero Class A because that’s too lowly a title, Administrator Jennifer.”

Her mouth falls open. “Wait, what? The most senior position in the League? What about you?”

“Well,” he says to her, clapping you on the back, “These two here, and… maybe the Starstone, too, made me remember what it was like to fly missions. So, maybe it’s time for me to retire as Administrator.”

She laughs. “Well, I’m glad to hear that.”

“Why?”

“I’m pretty sure the Star Raiders need a new cook.”

There’s a long silence, and then, for the first time, you see the Administrator laugh out loud. He keeps laughing til he runs out of breath, and then starts laughing again.

Jennifer rolls her eyes. “Well, Player, I guess you did pretty well, though my sensors tell me you ripped the hell out of those seats.” She winks. “You better get out of here before I’m forced to write you up for vandalism.”

“Yeah,” says Melvin. “Come on!” and he starts heading back to the teleporter.

You want to shake her hand, or something, but she is high up at the desk you are afraid to let go of the Starstone, so you gesture awkwardly. “We… have to go. Thanks for all your help!” You head over to the teleporter, and when you look back, the last thing you see before everything fades to white is Greeny laughing uncontrollably, while Administrator Jennifer puts her fist to her chest, giving you a proper salute this time, the salute of the League.

Your return flight to Earth via Space Shuttle Discovery is without incident, and you and Melvin head briskly back from the airport to the castle. As you approach the foggy, gray area that surrounds the castle, you are surprised to see the hole that you and Melvin had made has been repaired. Still carrying the Starstone, you walk around to the front of the castle, whose vast door is shut tight. You jump when you hear someone shout “Who goes there?” from the castle wall. Looking up, there is a guard, wearing a red uniform with a red hat, and red plume. You squint up at him. “Charlie Hustle? Is that you?”

“Player!” he shouts back. “Welcome back! Is that the Starstone?”

“You bet it’s the Starstone!” shouts Melvin. “So, let us in already!”

“You bet I will!” He disappears down some stairs, and then with a vast squeaking, the door lowers over the moat, and the portcullis raises. When the door thumps down, Charlie is standing on the other side. “Come in, Player, come in!” he urges. You and Melvin walk through the entry hall of the castle, and you are surprised to see a distinct lack of rubble.

“Who cleaned all this up?” asks Melvin, as you walk.

Charlie is excited. “I’ve been working hard at it. I’ve tried to get others to help, but… no one remembers. But thanks to your help, I do. I know what a debt I owe to the Queen, to the entire kingdom.”

You arrive in the throne room, and are glad to see that, though things are gray, much has been cleaned up and repaired. You realize that some of the broken stone carvings in the throne room seem to be some kind of seating, presumably for visiting guests. Charlie announces you: “May I present, the Player and Melvin, who bring a welcome gift.”

The Queen stares at what you are holding with anticipation. “Did you really get it back?” she says, breathlessly.

“You bet we did!” says Melvin, and you kneel and present it to her.

She stares into its depths, hypnotized. “How… could I have ever forgotten it was so… beautiful?” In the gray murk of the castle, its rainbow flame is dimmed, but still, its colors and luster shine. She reaches out for it with tears in her eyes, and gently lifts it in her ebony hands. Electricity crackles from the globe to her fingers, and tears start to run down her face. “Now that I remember what happened, I am so ashamed of myself. It was one of the last treasures to disappear, because we all knew the consequences if anyone managed to steal it and take it to Solaris.” She stares deep into it. “But by that time, so many treasures had gone, I had forgotten the danger, and when the Zylons attacked, I didn’t even realize they had taken it. I almost doomed us all.” She looks at you now. “But you two saved us. We owe you a tremendous debt of gratitude.” She releases the sphere, and it floats up above her to a central alcove on the wall behind her throne. As it takes its place, a “3/26” flashes in the air overhead, and there is a temporary pulse of color. You see her eyes have already begun to compute. “I must process these memories. Please help me, if you can.”

Suddenly her eyes emit a cross made of five rectangles in a hologram, much like a game you played with her once before. A musical note plays, and a number appears. You stare at it confused.

Melvin whispers, “This is like that Touch Me game you played before, you know, like Simon, but this time with numbers.”

“Oh,” you say. “That’s not so bad. Maybe I should write the numbers down?”

Melvin shakes his head, not that he has a head. “No… that would be cheating. You must use your memory if the Queen is to integrate her new memories properly.”

“Okay,” you sigh. “I’ll do my best. This sure beats fighting Krylons!”

“Zylons,” Melvin corrects you.

Place the Brain Games cartridge into your Atari 2600. Use game select 5, and set the left difficulty switch to b. Play until you get a score of 20. Post a link to a video in the comments section of yourself completing the challenge.