Chapter 61: Oh Noooo!

After a terrible game of race and chase through the dark of the Graves mansion with bats, spiders, and the most evil ghost you’ve ever seen (and you’ve seen a lot of ghosts in the last 24 hours), you stumble out the door carrying the urn like a football into the night. “Noo nee noo noo, noo nee noo noo,” sings Melvin. “That place was like the twilight zone. I’m so glad we got out of there!”

But the door crashes open behind you, and the furious ghost of Mister Graves is upon you. He screams with rage, and becomes enormous. “GIVE ME THE URN!” he bellows. “NO ONE WILL DENY ME IMMORTALITY!” His enormous vibrating form looms up, as big as the four-story mansion, and then dives down at you in a burst of ethereal energy. By some strange instinct, you pull the lid off of the urn, and a massive vortex emanates from it, twisting the giant ghost into a great whirlpool before you. He swirls around and around shouting, “NOOOO! YOU CAN’T DO THIS TO ME! MY IMMORTALITY!” As he spins faster, the vortex starts to suck him into the urn. “IN THE NAME OF GRAVES,” he shouts, “I CURSE YOU, PLAYER!” His voice is distorted as the vortex gets smaller and faster, sucking him in. But you can just make out his final words as the vortex disappears into the mouth of the vessel. “MAY THE POWER OF THE URN… TURN YOU… INTO A FROG!” And with that, suddenly he is gone, and all is silent.

You and Melvin look at each other, still on guard. But everything is indeed calm, as you sit in the mud, where you had fallen, cradling the now silent urn in one hand, and holding the lid in the other.

“I guess he’s gone,” says Melvin.

“I guess… so,” you say, breathing hard, your exhalations forming great clouds of vapor in the cold, wet night. But you are nervous. “What about the curse?” you ask. “I don’t want to be a frog!”

Melvin looks you over. “Well, you don’t look like a frog to me. You look like a player who just got another treasure.” He smiles, not that he has a mouth.

You smile too. “Hey yeah!” You look down at the urn. “We sure worked hard for this!” and you place the lid back on top of the urn. But as you do, there is a horrible flash of spectral electricity that shocks your hands, and you feel the urn somehow sucked into your body, and feel your skin, muscles, bones, and organs all distorting and changing horribly. When the flash of light is over, you realize the urn is gone, as you look at your empty hands. Except… they aren’t human hands. They are webby and green.

“Holy Konami!” shouts Melvin. “You’re a frog!”

You look down, and see that he’s right. You are an enormous, human-sized frog… your shirt is gone, but somehow you are still wearing a pair of orange pants. You try to stand up, but realize you are much more comfortable crouching like frogs do. You try to speak, but all that comes out is a great “RIBBIT!” You look around, but the urn is nowhere to be seen.

“I can’t believe it,” says Melvin. “That urn got sucked into you, and turned you into a frog!”

“Ribbit!” you say.

“Okay, stay calm…” says Melvin. “We’ll just…” the rain stopped a while ago, and the sun has just started to come up, casting a red and orange haze over the city. “We’ll just head down into the city, and… find you a doctor. I’m sure a doctor will have a way to… turn you back… and, uh, get the urn, and… yeah. Come on, follow me!”

Incredibly self-conscious about hopping around the city, you follow Melvin to a doctor’s office, who refers you to a specialist, who refers you to a veterinarian. The vet just shakes her head. “Have you considered going to a mad doctor? When dealing with cases involving magic, sometimes it’s the only alternative.” She gives a recommendation, and you hop to his office, which is in one of the four huge skyscrapers in the center of the city. The front door of the building has an imposing sign:

WARNING: BIOHAZARD: AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY

However, there is a glass side door with a small sign reading “Julius Jekyll, MD, DDS.” Behind it is a dusty staircase leading down into a dark basement. You awkwardly hop down the stairs, and find all kinds of bizarre equipment in an enormous laboratory that seems to be dark and abandoned.

“Hello?” calls Melvin into the eerie space.

“Ribbit?” you say, forgetting that you still can’t say human words.

“Why hello!” chirps a voice right behind you, so shrill and loud, that you both jump, and now that you are a human-sized frog, you really jump, high enough that you hit your head on the ceiling. Rubbing your throbbing head with your froggy hand, you turn to see a terrifying sight: a bald man in a lab coat. That doesn’t sound scary, but this man has bright red skin, huge wide eyes, and a disturbingly large mouth. “I’m the doctor, can I help you?” he says, grinning and staring.

“Uh,” says Melvin. “We were told you were a, uh, mad doctor. Is that right? It says M.D. on the door.”

He stares with his bulbous, terrifying eyes. “What else could M.D. stand for?”

Melvin shifts uncomfortably in the air. “We… just weren’t sure – all four of these skyscrapers look alike. We didn’t know which was yours.”

“THEY ARE ALL MINE!” he shouts. “ALL FULL OF MY SECRET SURPRISE!”

“Your… secret surprise? What... is it?” asks Melvin, uncertainly.

“Oh, you know. Nuclear reactors, virus factories. Typical Mad Doctor stuff,” he says nonchalantly.

You and Melvin look at each other, both pretty sure you should leave.

“My friend here has been turned into a frog,” says Melvin reluctantly, “or… most of the way into a frog, anyway.”

The Doctor smiles unnervingly. “This was a human person, you say?” asks the doctor, taking out three different stethoscopes to listen to your… heart? “How did this happen?” he asks, placing stethoscopes on various parts of your frog body, and listening intently.

“It was a curse from a ghost that got sucked into a magic urn, and then, uh, the urn got sucked into the frog. Well, I mean, got sucked into the Player, who turned into a frog… or, mostly into a frog.”

The doctor nods thoughtfully, grinning the whole time. You notice that he never seems to blink. He continues to stare at you. “Does this have anything to do with the recent ghost infestation?”

Melvin is surprised. “Yeah, actually, you see…”

The doctor waves him away. “No explanation is necessary,” he says with finality. “You see, the ghost was sucked into the urn, the urn was sucked into your friend. Hundreds of ghosts were sucked into a hole in the sky. There is only one answer: you must find that hole!”

Melvin scratches his head, not that he has one. “Yeah, uh, see, the problem with that is, I think we closed it up.”

“Nonsense!” shouts the doctor. “You know the poem perfectly well: Only they who opens closes / Even if it cuts off noses. You didn’t open the sky hole, did you?”

“Uh, no…” says Melvin.

“Then you might have shrunken it, but you did not close it! So! We must find it! It won’t be easy…” at this, his eyes turn into disturbingly narrow slits, and he looks around shiftily. “Because sky holes are always on the move!” His eyes go wide again, and his grin continues to be disturbing. “Are you ready for my prescription?”

You and Melvin look at each other with trepidation. “Uh, sure?” says Melvin.

He takes out a pad, and starts writing. “You, little flying square, should fly around, and look above the clouds.” He tears off a sheet, and hands it to Melvin, who has no way to grasp it, and so it flutters to the cluttered floor of the lab. “Now, you, giant frog,” he says, while furiously scribbling on his pad, “Good thing you have those sticky flippers! You should climb the outside of this building, and keep an eye out for sky holes while you do.”

You look at Melvin and say “Ribbit.”

Melvin looks at the Doctor, “Why climb the outside? Why not just take the elevator or the stairs?”

“THE CONTENTS OF THE SKYSCRAPERS ARE SECRET!” he shouts. “You must climb the outside. But don’t worry! I will help by constantly opening and closing the windows, and by dropping flowerpots, buckets, and other helpful items on you while you climb. If you get to the top, and don’t see the sky hole, I’ll pick you up in my blue helicopter, and take you to another building.” By now, he has scribbled out several pages from his prescription pad, which have all fluttered to the floor. He then opens his great mouth disturbingly wide, tosses in the pad and pencil, and chews them up. “Delicious!” he shouts, turning to run up the stairs. “Come on! Come on! We don’t have a moment to lose!”

You and Melvin nervously follow him up the stairs. “This… doesn’t make a lot of sense,” says Melvin. “But… I guess a lot of things in the Atariverse don’t?” You are up on the sidewalk now, looking up at the ridiculously tall building. “Sure you want to do this?” asks Melvin.

“Ribbit,” is all you can think to say.

Place the Crazy Climber cartridge into your Atari 2600. Set difficulty switches to b, and use game select “Building 1, single player.” Play until you have climbed all four buildings. Post a link to a video in the comments section of yourself completing the challenge.

Chapter 60: A Grave Situation

You are speeding to yet another ghost sighting. “Charlie, we’ve been catching ghosts all day, and I’m not sure it’s helping. I mean, just look at the PK meter.” The meter has been accelerating all day and is dangerously close to 9999, its maximum.

Charlie looks up at the truly massive gathering of ghosts up in the sky. “You’re right. What we need to do is go after that,” he says, pointing up at the swirling vortex of ghosts.

“But how can we stop it?" you say. "We don’t have enough ghost traps for that!”

Melvin pops out of the proton pack. “Look, I’ve seen this movie. I know what to do. We just need to get underneath the vortex, and hope nothing stops us.”

“What could stop us?” asks Charlie.

Immediately, an image of the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man from the Ghostbusters movie pops into your mind. And just as quickly, it appears on the street before you, easily thirty stories tall.

“Where did that come from?” screams Charlie, slamming on the brakes.

You immediately realize your mistake, and put your head in your hands… in the movie, the Marshmallow Man appears because Ray thought of it… and now it has appeared in front of you because you thought of it. You desperately try not to think of it, but it is too late. It towers high over you. So you try, desperately, to change it in your mind. You imagine it not thirty stories tall, but, tiny, very tiny. Immediately, it starts to shrink. Your eyes widen with excitement – your plan is going to work! You can easily deal with a tiny Marshmallow Man! It shrinks down and down, twenty stories, ten stories, five stories, two stories… but… then it stops. You keep thinking tiny thoughts, but… somehow, it isn’t working. And the Marshmallow Man is angry… he doesn’t seem to like shrinking, and starts leaping around furiously. You both get out of the car, wanting to run away from this marshmallowy monster, but realize that it is standing between you and the vortex. The vortex in the sky is starting to glow and pulse, like some gateway is opening. It looks very dire.

“Charlie!” you shout. “We have to get directly under the vortex! Run underneath the Marshmallow Man when he jumps! We can do this!” The sticky white demon leaps right at you, and you run underneath him, and keep running until you are right under the vortex. “Charlie, come on!” He seems paralyzed with fear, staring up twelve feet of angry white goo, and you realize the inspiration he needs. The Marshmallow Man leaps at him. “Come on, Charlie! It’s a tie game, and you’re on third! Run for home!” Charlie suddenly snaps out of it, and dashes under the leaping Marshmallow Man, bolts toward you, and slides to safety as if the manhole cover on the street under the vortex was home plate. “Safe!” you shout. “Now get up!” A giant hole has opened in the sky, and you see something giant and horrible sticking its head through, waiting for the hole to get just a little larger. Worse, the Marshmallow Man has turned and is leaping right at you. With no time to spare, you and Charlie charge your proton packs, and you shout, “Now, Charlie, now! CROSS THE STREAMS!”

For a split second, you hear Melvin shout, “No, don’t!” but it’s too late – you both fire your proton packs up at the vortex in a great green X, and there is a tremendous explosion of energy: the Marshmallow man is splattered across five city blocks, and a green pillar of proton power rushes up at purple vortex, hitting Zuul (or whatever was peering through at you) in the face, and sucking all the evil ghosts right through hole into some distant dimension. The vortex sucks in the green proton energy like a kid sucking in a piece of spaghetti, and just as the last of the proton energy disappears, the portal winks out of existence.

You and Charlie are both stuck to the street with sticky melted marshmallow, but you hear a great cheer go up all around the city. You both stagger to your feet, hug each other, and it is only when you pat each other on the back, do you realize that the marshmallow goo has stuck you together. With great effort, you pull apart, each falling down on your respective behinds when the sticky marshmallow suddenly snaps apart. You are both laughing out loud, when you suddenly realize something. “Hey,” you say, concerned, “Where’s Melvin?” You have a terrible thought. “Did he get sucked into the other dimension?”

Charlie stares up into the sky where the vortex used to be. “I… hope not?”

You get really anxious. “Charlie, he TOLD us not to cross the streams… but… I didn’t listen, I figured he’d be fine! There… wasn’t time to think it through!” You shout, “Melvin!” and you listen. “Melvin, where are you?” you shout again. But there is too much cheering in the city for you to make out any reply. “Oh, Charlie,” you say, still looking around, “I think he’s… gone.” You think about all the adventures you and Melvin had together. Sure, he was kind of nuts, but… you realize, what Melvin said was was right... what’s a player without a missile?

“Well,” says Charlie quietly, gesturing up at the hill between you and Spirit Bay. “I guess we better get you back to that haunted house so you can get that urn. You know, for the Queen.” And hearing those words, which are just what Melvin would have said, you find tears running down your cheeks.

“Aw kid,” says Charlie, putting a hand on your shoulder, “don’t take it so hard. Things are tough in the Atariverse.” He reaches into his pocket, and hands you something shiny. “At least you’ll always have this to remember him by.” In your hands is the missile whistle, the one you got from the fisherman, the one you had to hock to buy a car early in your adventures. “Wh- where did you get this,” you ask, astonished.

“Huh?” says Charlie. “Oh… it was part of the deal with Vic Hickle. I figured it would help the Queen, so I got it back from him when I got the Ghostmobile over there. What’s it do, anyway?”

A faint glimmer of hope rises up inside you. You look high up in the air where the vortex used to be, fill your lungs with the deepest breath you’ve ever taken, put the whistle between your lips, and blow with all your might. Charlie puts his fingers in his ears at the tremendous TWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET of a pure 2600 Hertz tone that echoes off buildings for blocks and blocks. When the echo dies away, the city has gone silent, wondering what that was. After several moments of silence, your hope dies away too. Why would you think that a whistle could be heard in another dimension? The city noises start up again, like nothing happened. 

“Come on, kid,” says Charlie, trying to pry open the Ghostmobile, which is covered in marshmallow. “It’s gonna get dark soon, and I have to return this car to Vic.” Sadly, you trudge over to the car, but you aren’t thinking about urns or haunted houses. You are thinking about going home. What’s the point of this, you think, if I have to do it alone? What’s the point of this at all? Who cares about some forgotten videogames no one plays anymore? You drop your proton pack on the ground, and sit down next to it. “Kid, you coming?” asks Charlie.

“No, actually, I’m not.” You hug your knees.

“Are you sure?” he says, uncertainly.

“Just go!” you shout angrily, burying your face in your knees.

He starts to say something, but then looks up. You look up too, and see a glowing white square hurtling down at you from high, high in the sky. Suddenly he is upon you, orbiting around you both in a million figure eights. “YOU IDIOTS!" he shouts, before dropping to the ground, panting. “I TOLD YOU NOT TO CROSS THE STREAMS!”

“Melvin!” you shout. “You’re… alive!”

“Yes, I’m alive! And back in this dimension, no thanks to you!” You are too excited to point out that you were the one who blew the whistle. You give him a hug, as much as you can give a hug to a floating two-dimensional square.

“Melvin, I was so worried! I’m so glad you’re back!” Melvin knocks the side of his head, not that he has a head, and green energy shakes out. “Ugh,” he says. “I’m going to be shedding protons for weeks.”

Charlie taps his foot. “Are you two done yet? We have an urn to collect!”

“Yes we do!” shouts Melvin. “For the Queen!” and zips off toward the spooky house on the hill.

“Melvin!” you shout, laughing, “Wait up!”

It’s been a long day of chasing ghosts, and you and Charlie arrive on the hill in your sticky Ghostmobile just as the sun is setting. The Graves Mansion is spooky enough in the daytime, but now, again, you are going to have to enter it during the night, and you slow your pace as you start to cross the craggy overgrowth that surrounds the house. You are looking at the house just as the sun disappears over the horizon, and in that single moment, a gathering of ghostly figures winks into existence. Two dozen ghost children, and one taller adult, all standing solemnly between you and the house, watching you, waiting for you to approach.

“For the love of Cincinnati,” says Charlie, eyes wide. “Do we have to fight them? We’re out of ghost traps.”

One of them steps forward. Charlie cowers. It’s Sneak! “Sneak!” you shout. 

“Player!” Sneak says. “You got rid of all the evil ghosts! We all watched!” The children nod excitedly.

You look over the large gathering of ghost children. “Is… this your kindergarten class?”

“Yes!” says Sneak. “We’ve been hiding in the house for so long, so we didn’t get caught by Mr. Graves, or the bad ghosts. But they are gone now! You got rid of them!”

The tall ghost figure speaks. She is a young woman who looks familiar. You suddenly realize that when Peek gave you the weird vision of the murderer in the house, she was the babysitter that was you. Or… you were her? Or something? “Thank you, Player," she says solemnly. "I’ve worked so hard to keep my students safe. Now that we are free, I can take them where they need to go.” Her eyes turn skyward.

“Miss Strode, we can’t go yet!” says Sneak, with some concern. “Peek isn’t here!”

“I know that,” she says. “Don’t worry, we won’t leave until every single one of you is safe and sound. Do you know where Peek is?”

“Yes!” says Sneak. “Peek is back in our old house!” You think back to that strange house where you played Hide and Seek with a ghost child, and it seems like ages ago.

Miss Strode says, “Can you go get Peek?”

“Yes!” says Sneak excitedly. “Be right back!” And suddenly Sneak blinks out of sight.

The ghostly Miss Strode looks at you with some seriousness. “It does seem all the evil ghosts have left the house,” she pauses, turning to look at the mansion. “Except one. Zachary Graves is still in there. With no other ghosts to stop him, he is likely trying to reassemble that urn.”

“Can… that work?” you ask, eerily realizing that talking to ghosts has become a normal thing for you.

“I don’t know,” she says, staring back at you and Charlie. “But do you really want to find out? What I do know is that if you go in there, he is going to try to stop you.” Gloom has settled over the house, and it looks terrifyingly spooky as you look up at it. “I should also mention that it is full of bats and spiders.”

“Ugh!” you think, tenderly rubbing the bat and spider bites from Frankenstein’s castle, which have only just started to properly heal.

“But there is also a magic scepter in there. If you can find it, it will protect you. There are also many locked doors.”

Just then, Melvin flies up. He looks at you and Charlie. “Are you guys coming? I’ve been waiting at the front door for an hour!” He suddenly notices Miss Strode and all the children. “Yikes!” he says. “More ghosts!”

“Calm down, Melvin – it’s the kindergarten class, remember? Miss Strode was just explaining what things are like inside the house. She says there are a lot of locked doors. Is the master key still in the lock?”

“No, it’s gone,” says Melvin.

“I think that Graves took it when you unlocked the house,” says Miss Strode. “I noticed it was gone when we came out.”

Suddenly, Sneak reappears, crying, and runs to Miss Strode, hugging her skirt. “What’s wrong, Sneak?” she asks, consolingly. “Miss Strode!” cries Sneak, “I looked EVERYWHERE! Peek wasn’t in the house. I think Mister Graves might have caught Peek!” Sneak dissolves into sobs.

You look nervously at the house. “Do you think Peek is in there?” you ask Miss Strode. She starts to answer when suddenly you hear a familiar voice behind you.

“Here I am!”

You turn around to see a smiling Peek. “Peek!” scolds Miss Strode. “Where were you?”

“I was hiding,” Peek says proudly. All the children laugh. “PEEK!” shouts Sneak, who runs over, hugs Peek, and the two of them hold hands, laugh, and spin around, best friends united after decades apart. All the children cheer. Miss Strode smiles and shakes her head. “Well,” she says, looking at you. “With your help, I finally have my entire class back together. And now I must take them where they belong.” She looks up at the house. “You’ve done so much, I don’t imagine old Mister Graves will give you much trouble.” She turns to the class. “Now, children, please thank the Player, and the Player’s friends, who have helped us so much.”

“THAAAANK YOOOOU!” call out the class of ghostly children, all in unison.

“Very good,” says Miss Strode. “Now, line up, it’s time for us to go.” 

Sneak and Peek, still holding hands, wave to you. “Goodbye, Player! We had fun playing with you! Good luck with Mister Graves!” You wave back, and in a wink, they all disappear. 

You, Charlie, and Melvin are left standing alone. “You got this, okay, kid?” Charlie asks. “I gotta get this ghostmobile back to Vic, or I’ll lose my deposit.” 

The house looks terrifying, and clouds have rolled in, flashing lightning high in the sky, but with Melvin back, you feel like you can do anything. “What’choo think, Melvin, we got this?”

“Oh yeah!” shouts Melvin. “Graves doesn’t know what he’s in for!”

Charlie laughs. “Ha, yeah. I’m sure you guys can take care of some spooky old ghost. After all, what’s the worst that can happen?” Just then lightning flashes and an ominous thunderclap sounds, and it starts to rain. “Well, I better get going,” says Charlie. “At least the rain might get some of this marshmallow off the car.” He hands you a small box. “We’re all out of ghost traps, but it looks dark in there. Take these matches.”

“We don’t need those – we’ve got Melvin’s glow,” you say, patting Melvin on the back, not that he has a back.

“No, you better take them,” says Melvin. “I took a peek inside. This place isn’t any ordinary haunted house. It’s not just dark, it’s SUPERNATURALLY dark. Flames will light it, but nothing electrical can.” 

You ponder whether Melvin is really, as he puts it, “electrical,” but you take the box of matches. The rain starts to pick up, and Charlie ducks into the car. “Good luck, kids,” he says, “bring home that urn,” and then all three of you say “FOR THE QUEEN!” and you and Melvin laugh while Charlie drives off, waving.

You look up at the four story mansion, steeling yourself to enter, and the front door slowly creeeaaakkkss open, inviting you to enter. You aren’t sure, but you could swear that the house was… smiling, and its open door feels like a mouth ready to devour you. “L-let’s go in,” says Melvin with a mixture of bravery and terror.

You take a step inside, and feel the cold darkness envelop you. It is, indeed, pitch black. You can’t see Melvin at all. “Melvin, are you here?”

“I’m here,” says Melvin nervously. “But all I can see is your eyes!” You hear a strange rushing sound, like some kind of rising wind. “Something’s coming!” says Melvin. “You better light one of those matches!” You strike a match that makes a tiny orange pool of light. Something is coming toward you out of the darkness, and you realize if you are to find and reassemble the urn, you better get moving.

Place the Haunted House cartridge into your Atari 2600. Use game select 7, and set difficulty switches to b. Play until you reassemble the urn and escape the house. Post a link to a video in the comments section of yourself completing the challenge.

Chapter 59: I Ain’t ‘Fraida No Ghost

You wake from a terrible nightmare where you killed thirteen people with a chainsaw, only to run out of gas and have one of the survivors attack you and kick you over and over.

Your eyes snap open as you feel a cold presence leave your body, and you see a green ghost rocket into the sky. Dazed, you sit up. You are still at the door of the Graves Mansion. Your clothes feel weird. You touch them and realize that you are covered in some kind of disgusting goo.

Melvin is here. “Hey, Player, are you okay? I think one of those ghosts knocked you out.”

“Yeah,” you say, looking at the green dot flying off to the city, “it gave me one crazy nightmare.” You stand up, and shake some of the goo off of our hands. “What is this stuff?”

“I think,” says Melvin, “you got slimed.”

Just then, you hear a car horn with a familiar musical theme. A weird gray ambulance with pink trim pulls up in front of the mansion. On the side is the Ghostbusters logo. The window rolls down, and there is Charlie Hustle. “Here you guys are,” he calls. “Jeez, this is the fourth haunted house I’ve been to trying to find you guys!”

“Charlie, what are you doing here?” asks Melvin.

“Haven’t you heard? Someone has unleashed hundreds of ghosts on the city! I figured if anyone could stop them, it would be you! So, I cashed in a favor with Vic Hickle, and he gave me this sweet ride.” The ambulance backfires loudly.

Melvin looks at it skeptically. “What do we need this for?”

“The ghosts are everywhere! Come on, get in! We need to go buy some gear!”

“But… we don’t have any money,” you say.

Charlie laughs, “It’s okay, I had $5,000 squirrelled away. That ought to be enough for some ghost traps. Get in!” He looks you up and down, “But first, clean yourself up, you’re a mess!” he throws you a towel.

You wipe off and get in, and the Ambulance backfires again as it races away from the Graves Mansion. “Wait!” you shout. “I left the key in the door!”

“You’ll have to worry about it later! Those ghosts seem to be moving toward one building, and they keep saying ‘Zoo.’ You think they want to go to the zoo?”

Your eighties memories are a little hazy, but one word rises up. “It’s not ‘Zoo,’” you say, “it’s ‘Zuul.’”

“What the heck is a Zuul?” asks Charlie, screeching around a corner, and slamming on the brakes in front of a weird little shop. “Actually, tell me later! We’re here!” You get out, and see various ghosts flying down the city streets, all heading north. Charlie lives up to his name, hustling you into the shop. “Come on,” he says, “we’ve gotta decide what ghost gear to buy.” The shop has all kids of weird things: Ghost traps, ghost bait, ghost vacuums, PK meters, proton packs, and even image intensifiers, whatever those are. You and Melvin stare blankly at all of it. “What should we get?”

“How would I know?” asks Charlie, climbing into a ghostbusting suit. He shoves a roll of bills into your hand. “But come on, start shopping!”

“Whoa!” says Melvin. “Proton packs! I’ve always wanted to be the beam in one of these!”

“Yeah, but which one are you going to be in?” you ask him. “Mine or Charlie’s?”

“I can be in both,” Melvin says proudly, but then looks concerned. “That is, as long as you don’t cross the streams!”

Charlie looks out the window, for in the distance hundreds of ghosts ominously circling a tall tower. “Let’s hurry… these ghosts are up to something… and we gotta stop ‘em!”

Place the Ghostbusters cartridge into your Atari 2600. Do your shopping, and when you are ready to head out, flip the left difficulty switch. Play until you collect $10,000 and defeat the marshmallow man by crossing the streams of your proton packs. Post a link to a video in the comments section of yourself completing the challenge.

Chapter 58: Nightmare, Texas Style

Dracula is terrifying, but seeing the crosses startles him, and as he backs away in fear, you cleverly guide him into one of his own ghost prisons, slam the door, and throw the electric switch.

“We did it!” shouts Melvin. “Take that, Dracula!” he shouts at the ghost prison, doing his pixel victory dance. From the electrified cell, you can hear Dracula howling and cursing.

“Come on, Melvin, we have to find the key!” you look around the terrifying basement tomb. In the center is Dracula’s coffin, which you open with nervous hands. Inside, upon the velvet lining, is a large leaden key, with an evil looking skull on the end.

“That must be it!” cries Melvin. “The master key to the Graves Mansion!” You grab it, and are about to head back up the stairs, when you realize you hear another sound: a child’s voice. “Hello?” it says, “Is there anyone there?”

You realize there are two electric ghost trap cells in the basement, and that someone else is in the other one.

“Hello? Hello?” the voice continues. “Please, if you are out there, please let me out!”

You and Melvin look at each other nervously. Here you are in the dark basement of Dracula’s castle, and someone, or something is asking for your help.

Cautiously, you approach the other cell. The electricity buzzes all around it. “Who’s in there?” asks Melvin.

“My name is Sneak,” the voice says, sobbing. “I came here to get the key to help my friend, but got stuck.” You and Melvin look at each other with alarm. 

“Throw the switch, let Sneak out!” says Melvin.

You throw the switch, and open the door. A ghostly child is inside, who looks at you through tearstained eyes in disbelief. “Is it really safe to come out?” Sneak asks.

“Yeah, kid, come on!” shouts Melvin. “We gotta get out of here, before Dracula figures a way out – he sounds pretty mad over there!”

Sneak follows you as you hurry up the stairs, and run out of the house. You find yourself back in the graveyard. The rainbow ghost is there, and does a flying flip with joy. “Is that the master key?” it shouts. “And… SNEAK! Is that you?” The ghost flies up to Sneak, and grabs Sneak’s hands. “I never thought I’d see you again! Peek is going to be so happy to see you!” The ghost scoops Sneak up in an excited ghostly embrace, and carries Sneak high up in the air, and then both of them float back down, laughing. “Wow!” he says to you, “You two really did it! Wait…” says the ghost, suddenly turning serious. “Where’s Dracula?”

“We trapped him in a ghost trap!” says Melvin. “Do you think it will hold him?”

The rainbow ghost laughs. “Doctor Frankenstein’s traps will hold ANYTHING undead. That’s why I’ve stayed away from here so long! Oh, he’s trapped alright!” He looks up with pride at the house. “Oh, I can’t tell you what this means to me! Having my home taken away was so terrible! And now I have it back! I’m going to fly back to Frankenstein’s to get Igor to help me fix up the house the way it used to be. He’s going to be so excited!” He starts laughing. “I can’t believe you actually caught Dracula! This is an incredible day! Goodbye, goodbye!” calls the ghost, as he flies off over the mountains.

Sneak looks up at you, and asks with a quiet voice, “Now that we have the key, can we rescue my friends?”

“Your friends are in the Graves Mansion?” you ask.

“Yes,” says Sneak seriously. “The bad man who killed us all captured our ghosts, and trapped everyone in his house.”

“Why did he do that?” you ask.

Sneak looks at the ground. “He was a greedy man, he wanted to live forever, like Dracula, so he asked Dracula how to do it. Dracula told him he would bite him and he would become a vampire, and live forever. But Mister Graves didn’t want to be a vampire. He wanted to be a regular man, and live forever that way. Dracula said there was another way, but he would only tell it if Mister Graves would help him get rid of the rainbow ghost that haunted his house. So, Mister Graves persuaded Doctor Frankenstein to build the ghost traps for Dracula.”

“This is complicated,” says Melvin.

You ignore him. “Then what happened, Sneak?”

“The rainbow ghost left his house, and was very sad. But Dracula was happy, and told Mister Graves that he needed Queen Stella’s Magic Urn, and a thousand ghosts.” Sneak suddenly looks confused. “It’s funny, for a long time, I forgot about Queen Stella. But a couple days ago, sitting in my cell, I suddenly remembered.”

You and Melvin look at each other. “Then what, Sneak?”

“Well…” says Sneak, “Mister Graves stole the Urn from Queen Stella, but he didn’t have a thousand ghosts, so…” Sneak starts to cry. “He started killing everyone. That’s why he killed us, and trapped us in his house.” Sneak cries a little more, and then gets serious again. “But we weren’t enough ghosts, so he got an idea: he would burn down the jail and the insane asylum to get all the ghosts he’d need to live forever.”

You stare at Sneak in wide-eyed horror. “And he did that?”

“Yes,” says Sneak.

“And you were trapped in there with those terrible ghosts?” asks Melvin.

“Yes,” says Sneak, starting to cry again, but then he laughs. “It was scary at first, but we were good hiders. We had a special room the others couldn’t find. We felt safe there, me, my friends, and our teacher.”

“Were you trapped by electric walls, like in Dracula’s castle?” asks Melvin.

“No,” says Sneak. “We were trapped by magic. The Graves Mansion is very special.” He points at the master key. “When you turn that key, it makes all the walls of the mansion magically sealed, so that nothing can get in or out, even ghosts. For generations, the Graves family used it to keep away ghosts, who like to live in the attics of big houses. They also say it protected the house during the great earthquake of 1890. But Mister Graves realized he could use it to keep ghosts in, not just keep them out. Once he had his thousand ghosts, he wanted to make sure no ghosts took the key, so he gave the key to Dracula, and asked him to lock the house so no one could get in or out. Dracula locked it up tight, and took the master key back to his castle.”

“Why did he want to be locked in a house with a thousand ghosts?” asks Melvin, confused.

“Then he could say the magic words, and the urn would suck all of us in, and make Mister Graves live forever.”

“Is that what happened?” you ask.

“It was going to. But I snuck out. I found a crack in the magic in our little room, and slipped through it. Then Mister Graves didn’t have enough ghosts.”

“Why didn’t your friends come with you?” asks Melvin.

“The crack was too small. They couldn’t do it. But I could talk to them through it. They told me that Mister Graves was furious when it didn’t work, and he started shouting at all the bad ghosts. They got angry, and smashed the urn, and killed him.”

“Oh, the irony!” shouts Melvin, delighted. “We have 999 happy haunts here, but there’s room for a thousand!” He laughs, “Now he has a thousand ghosts, but he’s one of them!”

“Wait…” you say, confused. “So… if he’s a ghost, won’t he… live forever?”

Sneak looks at you solemnly. “Ghosts aren’t supposed to stay here. They only stay when something keeps them here. Peek and I are still here because we want to rescue our friends. When our friends are saved, we can go to where we are supposed to. My friends told me that Mister Graves roams the house trying to find the urn pieces and put it back together. But the bad ghosts keep hiding the pieces from him. He thinks if he can find the pieces, the urn will bring him back to life, and he can live forever.”

“Is that true?” asks Melvin.

Sneak shrugs. “I don’t know. But the reason I was trapped at Dracula’s house for all those years is because I was trying to get the key to set my friends free.” Sneak looks at the key longingly. “They’ve been trapped in that house so long. Can we go there now, and set them free?”

You and Melvin look at each other. “I… guess so,” you say. “How do we get there?”

Sneak says, “Hold my hands, and close your eyes.” You take Sneak’s tiny, cold, ghostly hand in yours, and close your eyes. Just as you are wondering how Melvin is holding Sneak’s hand, you open your eyes, and realize you are somewhere else. You hear the ocean, and look up to see a creepy New England mansion looming over you, on a cliff overlooking a bay. “We’re here,” says Sneak. “Please,” he implores you, “open the door. My friends have been waiting for so long.” The moonlight glints off the evil eyes of the skull on the heavy lead key as you slide it into the keyhole, and start to turn it.

“Wait a minute!” shouts Melvin, as you hear a click in the lock. “Won’t all the evil ghosts get out, too?” But it is too late. The door flies open and an ice cold firehose of monstrous evil ghosts blast through your body and mind. Horrible thoughts, feelings, and visions take you over as you slump lifelessly to the ground. You suddenly find yourself somewhere else. Somewhere hot. And while it is hot outside, you are cold inside. Cold with a terrible rage. You look down to see a chainsaw in your hands, and feeling yourself taken over by an evil presence that cackles wickedly, you survey a landscape of brambles, fences, and discarded wheelchairs, and know what you are going to do.

Place the Texas Chainsaw Massacre cartridge into your Atari 2600. Play until you get 13,000 points. Post a link to a video in the comments section of yourself completing the challenge.