Chapter 60: A Grave Situation

You are speeding to yet another ghost sighting. “Charlie, we’ve been catching ghosts all day, and I’m not sure it’s helping. I mean, just look at the PK meter.” The meter has been accelerating all day and is dangerously close to 9999, its maximum.

Charlie looks up at the truly massive gathering of ghosts up in the sky. “You’re right. What we need to do is go after that,” he says, pointing up at the swirling vortex of ghosts.

“But how can we stop it?" you say. "We don’t have enough ghost traps for that!”

Melvin pops out of the proton pack. “Look, I’ve seen this movie. I know what to do. We just need to get underneath the vortex, and hope nothing stops us.”

“What could stop us?” asks Charlie.

Immediately, an image of the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man from the Ghostbusters movie pops into your mind. And just as quickly, it appears on the street before you, easily thirty stories tall.

“Where did that come from?” screams Charlie, slamming on the brakes.

You immediately realize your mistake, and put your head in your hands… in the movie, the Marshmallow Man appears because Ray thought of it… and now it has appeared in front of you because you thought of it. You desperately try not to think of it, but it is too late. It towers high over you. So you try, desperately, to change it in your mind. You imagine it not thirty stories tall, but, tiny, very tiny. Immediately, it starts to shrink. Your eyes widen with excitement – your plan is going to work! You can easily deal with a tiny Marshmallow Man! It shrinks down and down, twenty stories, ten stories, five stories, two stories… but… then it stops. You keep thinking tiny thoughts, but… somehow, it isn’t working. And the Marshmallow Man is angry… he doesn’t seem to like shrinking, and starts leaping around furiously. You both get out of the car, wanting to run away from this marshmallowy monster, but realize that it is standing between you and the vortex. The vortex in the sky is starting to glow and pulse, like some gateway is opening. It looks very dire.

“Charlie!” you shout. “We have to get directly under the vortex! Run underneath the Marshmallow Man when he jumps! We can do this!” The sticky white demon leaps right at you, and you run underneath him, and keep running until you are right under the vortex. “Charlie, come on!” He seems paralyzed with fear, staring up twelve feet of angry white goo, and you realize the inspiration he needs. The Marshmallow Man leaps at him. “Come on, Charlie! It’s a tie game, and you’re on third! Run for home!” Charlie suddenly snaps out of it, and dashes under the leaping Marshmallow Man, bolts toward you, and slides to safety as if the manhole cover on the street under the vortex was home plate. “Safe!” you shout. “Now get up!” A giant hole has opened in the sky, and you see something giant and horrible sticking its head through, waiting for the hole to get just a little larger. Worse, the Marshmallow Man has turned and is leaping right at you. With no time to spare, you and Charlie charge your proton packs, and you shout, “Now, Charlie, now! CROSS THE STREAMS!”

For a split second, you hear Melvin shout, “No, don’t!” but it’s too late – you both fire your proton packs up at the vortex in a great green X, and there is a tremendous explosion of energy: the Marshmallow man is splattered across five city blocks, and a green pillar of proton power rushes up at purple vortex, hitting Zuul (or whatever was peering through at you) in the face, and sucking all the evil ghosts right through hole into some distant dimension. The vortex sucks in the green proton energy like a kid sucking in a piece of spaghetti, and just as the last of the proton energy disappears, the portal winks out of existence.

You and Charlie are both stuck to the street with sticky melted marshmallow, but you hear a great cheer go up all around the city. You both stagger to your feet, hug each other, and it is only when you pat each other on the back, do you realize that the marshmallow goo has stuck you together. With great effort, you pull apart, each falling down on your respective behinds when the sticky marshmallow suddenly snaps apart. You are both laughing out loud, when you suddenly realize something. “Hey,” you say, concerned, “Where’s Melvin?” You have a terrible thought. “Did he get sucked into the other dimension?”

Charlie stares up into the sky where the vortex used to be. “I… hope not?”

You get really anxious. “Charlie, he TOLD us not to cross the streams… but… I didn’t listen, I figured he’d be fine! There… wasn’t time to think it through!” You shout, “Melvin!” and you listen. “Melvin, where are you?” you shout again. But there is too much cheering in the city for you to make out any reply. “Oh, Charlie,” you say, still looking around, “I think he’s… gone.” You think about all the adventures you and Melvin had together. Sure, he was kind of nuts, but… you realize, what Melvin said was was right... what’s a player without a missile?

“Well,” says Charlie quietly, gesturing up at the hill between you and Spirit Bay. “I guess we better get you back to that haunted house so you can get that urn. You know, for the Queen.” And hearing those words, which are just what Melvin would have said, you find tears running down your cheeks.

“Aw kid,” says Charlie, putting a hand on your shoulder, “don’t take it so hard. Things are tough in the Atariverse.” He reaches into his pocket, and hands you something shiny. “At least you’ll always have this to remember him by.” In your hands is the missile whistle, the one you got from the fisherman, the one you had to hock to buy a car early in your adventures. “Wh- where did you get this,” you ask, astonished.

“Huh?” says Charlie. “Oh… it was part of the deal with Vic Hickle. I figured it would help the Queen, so I got it back from him when I got the Ghostmobile over there. What’s it do, anyway?”

A faint glimmer of hope rises up inside you. You look high up in the air where the vortex used to be, fill your lungs with the deepest breath you’ve ever taken, put the whistle between your lips, and blow with all your might. Charlie puts his fingers in his ears at the tremendous TWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET of a pure 2600 Hertz tone that echoes off buildings for blocks and blocks. When the echo dies away, the city has gone silent, wondering what that was. After several moments of silence, your hope dies away too. Why would you think that a whistle could be heard in another dimension? The city noises start up again, like nothing happened. 

“Come on, kid,” says Charlie, trying to pry open the Ghostmobile, which is covered in marshmallow. “It’s gonna get dark soon, and I have to return this car to Vic.” Sadly, you trudge over to the car, but you aren’t thinking about urns or haunted houses. You are thinking about going home. What’s the point of this, you think, if I have to do it alone? What’s the point of this at all? Who cares about some forgotten videogames no one plays anymore? You drop your proton pack on the ground, and sit down next to it. “Kid, you coming?” asks Charlie.

“No, actually, I’m not.” You hug your knees.

“Are you sure?” he says, uncertainly.

“Just go!” you shout angrily, burying your face in your knees.

He starts to say something, but then looks up. You look up too, and see a glowing white square hurtling down at you from high, high in the sky. Suddenly he is upon you, orbiting around you both in a million figure eights. “YOU IDIOTS!" he shouts, before dropping to the ground, panting. “I TOLD YOU NOT TO CROSS THE STREAMS!”

“Melvin!” you shout. “You’re… alive!”

“Yes, I’m alive! And back in this dimension, no thanks to you!” You are too excited to point out that you were the one who blew the whistle. You give him a hug, as much as you can give a hug to a floating two-dimensional square.

“Melvin, I was so worried! I’m so glad you’re back!” Melvin knocks the side of his head, not that he has a head, and green energy shakes out. “Ugh,” he says. “I’m going to be shedding protons for weeks.”

Charlie taps his foot. “Are you two done yet? We have an urn to collect!”

“Yes we do!” shouts Melvin. “For the Queen!” and zips off toward the spooky house on the hill.

“Melvin!” you shout, laughing, “Wait up!”

It’s been a long day of chasing ghosts, and you and Charlie arrive on the hill in your sticky Ghostmobile just as the sun is setting. The Graves Mansion is spooky enough in the daytime, but now, again, you are going to have to enter it during the night, and you slow your pace as you start to cross the craggy overgrowth that surrounds the house. You are looking at the house just as the sun disappears over the horizon, and in that single moment, a gathering of ghostly figures winks into existence. Two dozen ghost children, and one taller adult, all standing solemnly between you and the house, watching you, waiting for you to approach.

“For the love of Cincinnati,” says Charlie, eyes wide. “Do we have to fight them? We’re out of ghost traps.”

One of them steps forward. Charlie cowers. It’s Sneak! “Sneak!” you shout. 

“Player!” Sneak says. “You got rid of all the evil ghosts! We all watched!” The children nod excitedly.

You look over the large gathering of ghost children. “Is… this your kindergarten class?”

“Yes!” says Sneak. “We’ve been hiding in the house for so long, so we didn’t get caught by Mr. Graves, or the bad ghosts. But they are gone now! You got rid of them!”

The tall ghost figure speaks. She is a young woman who looks familiar. You suddenly realize that when Peek gave you the weird vision of the murderer in the house, she was the babysitter that was you. Or… you were her? Or something? “Thank you, Player," she says solemnly. "I’ve worked so hard to keep my students safe. Now that we are free, I can take them where they need to go.” Her eyes turn skyward.

“Miss Strode, we can’t go yet!” says Sneak, with some concern. “Peek isn’t here!”

“I know that,” she says. “Don’t worry, we won’t leave until every single one of you is safe and sound. Do you know where Peek is?”

“Yes!” says Sneak. “Peek is back in our old house!” You think back to that strange house where you played Hide and Seek with a ghost child, and it seems like ages ago.

Miss Strode says, “Can you go get Peek?”

“Yes!” says Sneak excitedly. “Be right back!” And suddenly Sneak blinks out of sight.

The ghostly Miss Strode looks at you with some seriousness. “It does seem all the evil ghosts have left the house,” she pauses, turning to look at the mansion. “Except one. Zachary Graves is still in there. With no other ghosts to stop him, he is likely trying to reassemble that urn.”

“Can… that work?” you ask, eerily realizing that talking to ghosts has become a normal thing for you.

“I don’t know,” she says, staring back at you and Charlie. “But do you really want to find out? What I do know is that if you go in there, he is going to try to stop you.” Gloom has settled over the house, and it looks terrifyingly spooky as you look up at it. “I should also mention that it is full of bats and spiders.”

“Ugh!” you think, tenderly rubbing the bat and spider bites from Frankenstein’s castle, which have only just started to properly heal.

“But there is also a magic scepter in there. If you can find it, it will protect you. There are also many locked doors.”

Just then, Melvin flies up. He looks at you and Charlie. “Are you guys coming? I’ve been waiting at the front door for an hour!” He suddenly notices Miss Strode and all the children. “Yikes!” he says. “More ghosts!”

“Calm down, Melvin – it’s the kindergarten class, remember? Miss Strode was just explaining what things are like inside the house. She says there are a lot of locked doors. Is the master key still in the lock?”

“No, it’s gone,” says Melvin.

“I think that Graves took it when you unlocked the house,” says Miss Strode. “I noticed it was gone when we came out.”

Suddenly, Sneak reappears, crying, and runs to Miss Strode, hugging her skirt. “What’s wrong, Sneak?” she asks, consolingly. “Miss Strode!” cries Sneak, “I looked EVERYWHERE! Peek wasn’t in the house. I think Mister Graves might have caught Peek!” Sneak dissolves into sobs.

You look nervously at the house. “Do you think Peek is in there?” you ask Miss Strode. She starts to answer when suddenly you hear a familiar voice behind you.

“Here I am!”

You turn around to see a smiling Peek. “Peek!” scolds Miss Strode. “Where were you?”

“I was hiding,” Peek says proudly. All the children laugh. “PEEK!” shouts Sneak, who runs over, hugs Peek, and the two of them hold hands, laugh, and spin around, best friends united after decades apart. All the children cheer. Miss Strode smiles and shakes her head. “Well,” she says, looking at you. “With your help, I finally have my entire class back together. And now I must take them where they belong.” She looks up at the house. “You’ve done so much, I don’t imagine old Mister Graves will give you much trouble.” She turns to the class. “Now, children, please thank the Player, and the Player’s friends, who have helped us so much.”

“THAAAANK YOOOOU!” call out the class of ghostly children, all in unison.

“Very good,” says Miss Strode. “Now, line up, it’s time for us to go.” 

Sneak and Peek, still holding hands, wave to you. “Goodbye, Player! We had fun playing with you! Good luck with Mister Graves!” You wave back, and in a wink, they all disappear. 

You, Charlie, and Melvin are left standing alone. “You got this, okay, kid?” Charlie asks. “I gotta get this ghostmobile back to Vic, or I’ll lose my deposit.” 

The house looks terrifying, and clouds have rolled in, flashing lightning high in the sky, but with Melvin back, you feel like you can do anything. “What’choo think, Melvin, we got this?”

“Oh yeah!” shouts Melvin. “Graves doesn’t know what he’s in for!”

Charlie laughs. “Ha, yeah. I’m sure you guys can take care of some spooky old ghost. After all, what’s the worst that can happen?” Just then lightning flashes and an ominous thunderclap sounds, and it starts to rain. “Well, I better get going,” says Charlie. “At least the rain might get some of this marshmallow off the car.” He hands you a small box. “We’re all out of ghost traps, but it looks dark in there. Take these matches.”

“We don’t need those – we’ve got Melvin’s glow,” you say, patting Melvin on the back, not that he has a back.

“No, you better take them,” says Melvin. “I took a peek inside. This place isn’t any ordinary haunted house. It’s not just dark, it’s SUPERNATURALLY dark. Flames will light it, but nothing electrical can.” 

You ponder whether Melvin is really, as he puts it, “electrical,” but you take the box of matches. The rain starts to pick up, and Charlie ducks into the car. “Good luck, kids,” he says, “bring home that urn,” and then all three of you say “FOR THE QUEEN!” and you and Melvin laugh while Charlie drives off, waving.

You look up at the four story mansion, steeling yourself to enter, and the front door slowly creeeaaakkkss open, inviting you to enter. You aren’t sure, but you could swear that the house was… smiling, and its open door feels like a mouth ready to devour you. “L-let’s go in,” says Melvin with a mixture of bravery and terror.

You take a step inside, and feel the cold darkness envelop you. It is, indeed, pitch black. You can’t see Melvin at all. “Melvin, are you here?”

“I’m here,” says Melvin nervously. “But all I can see is your eyes!” You hear a strange rushing sound, like some kind of rising wind. “Something’s coming!” says Melvin. “You better light one of those matches!” You strike a match that makes a tiny orange pool of light. Something is coming toward you out of the darkness, and you realize if you are to find and reassemble the urn, you better get moving.

Place the Haunted House cartridge into your Atari 2600. Use game select 7, and set difficulty switches to b. Play until you reassemble the urn and escape the house. Post a link to a video in the comments section of yourself completing the challenge.