Chapter 46: Boxing Day

“Whew!” you cry, your overtaxed brain spinning with numbers and patterns. The hovering hologram cross winks back into the eyes of the Queen, who blinks and takes a breath. “Thank you,” she says quietly. “The Starstone will give me access to a great deal of memory, I can tell. But even this short calibration session has given me the key to another of the twenty-six treasures.”

“Do we have to go back into space?” says Melvin, somewhat warily.

She smiles. “No, little missile, not this time. All that counting has helped me recall the second of the five athletic challenges.”

“Oh!” says Melvin, “more sports, eh?” He looks at you encouragingly. “That should be fun – I’m sure that’ll be easy compared to fighting Zylons!”

“Krylons,” you correct him.

“Just as I gave a ring to Mister Rose as incentive for a baseball challenge, I now remember I gave out another for a combat sports challenge.”

Images of The Hunger Games run through your mind. “Wait… combat sports?”

Charlie Hustle, nearby in his guard uniform, whispers to you, “Like boxing.”

“Oh… like boxing,” you say.

“Yes, exactly,” says the Queen. “I don’t know the entirety of the challenge, but I now remember the ring going to a certain robot. He had one wheel, and, if I recall, a cigar. Mister Rose, can you be of assistance here?”

Melvin interrupts. “That one wheel makes it sound like Vic Hickle.”

“No,” says Charlie, “She’s talking about Smilin’ Sam. Sam and Vic could be cousins, though. If… robots have cousins. He sets up all the boxing matches at the arena. I never knew there was a challenge, though.”

The Queen lowers her head, “Yes, I’m certain there were five athletic challenges, and I believe you are quite right, Sam was his name. Do you know where he can be found?”

“Oh sure,” says Charlie. “There are events just about every day down at the arena. Sam’s a robot, but he’s a straight shooter. He loves anything that gets people to come watch his matches. You go tell him that you’re a Player who wants to win the fighting challenge, and he’ll probably be excited. We haven’t had Players in ages, and he always likes something new.”

“How about that?” says Melvin. “First a baseball diamond, now a boxing ring!”

You groan, and the Queen smiles politely. “Do you need anything else for your journey? I am eager to begin my meditation so that I might integrate these memories.”

You both agree you need nothing further, and bow to her as she enters her trance. Charlie escorts you out. You are pleased to see how the castle is on the road to recovery. After you exit, Charlie claps you on the back. “Heh, if you are as good a fighter as you were a hitter, this should be no problem. Watch out, though – Smilin’ Sam does like to mix things up a bit.” He resumes his guard post, and you and Melvin head downtown to the arena.

When you ask at the rear entrance, a robot secretary points you to Sam’s office. You walk down a dingy hallway, the walls lined with old posters from boxing and wrestling matches, and the ceiling yellowed with cigar smoke. You find a wood-framed door with frosted glass that just reads “OFFICE.” You knock, and hear a metallic “come in.” You open the door and see a cigar-chomping robot holding an old fashioned telephone in his right claw. “No, no, no!” he yells into the phone. “You tell Mad Dog if he can’t fight tomorrow, I’ll find someone who will.” He slams down the phone, shifts the cigar in his mouth, and starts flipping through his rolodex. Without looking up, he asks, “What do you two want?”

You swallow. “We’re… here for the, uh, the…”

“The combat sports challenge.” Says Melvin.

He stops flipping, and turns his white laser-like eyes to you. “The what?”

“The, uh, combat sports challenge,” you say nervously. “The Queen sent us.”

“The Queen?” he says incredulously. “We don’t have a…” He holds his head in his robot claws for a moment. “Wait a second…” His eyes flash into a scanning mode that you’ve seen robots do when they are thinking hard. Suddenly the scanning stops, and there are two dollar signs were his eyes were. Then, just as quickly, the white laser dots reappear. He smacks his head with one of his claws, and it makes a loud clang. “How could I forget about that? She was quite a fighter herself, right? She defeated Tyrannus and Konjuro! And we agreed to… right! The combat sports challenge! The Queen gave me the ring… when? A long time ago! Somehow… I forgot.”

“You forgot because the Queen gave away too many treasures,” explains Melvin. “With every treasure she gave out, a little more memory fell away for everyone in the Atariverse.”

Sam eyes you skeptically. “Then why am I remembering now?”

“Because we are gathering the treasures!” says Melvin. “We already have three, and the sport combat ring is the fourth! If you have it, and could give it to us, it will be a great help to the entire kingdom.”

Sam looks back and forth between both of you. “You’re serious, aren’t you?” He stops. “Wait a minute!” He looks right at you. “Are you a… Player?”

You nod. He goes on. “Of course, you’re a Player, and he’s a missile! I… forgot we ever had Players!” He takes a drink from a stained cup of coffee on his desk. “This is great! I can see it now… ‘First Player match in years! Can the Mystery Player reclaim the Ring?’ They’ll line up around the block to see it!”

“Whoa whoa whoa!” shouts Melvin. “Slow down. You know how important it is for the Queen to get the ring back. Why don’t you just give it to us? Why make us fight?”

“Believe me,” says Sam. “I would if I could. There’s no more patriotic Atarian than me. I don’t know how I forgot our Queen, but I’d do anything to help her. But I don’t have the ring. Big Chief has it, and he won’t give it up without a fight.”

“Can’t you just tell him how important it is?” asks Melvin.

Sam laughs. “Big Chief was never much for… reasoning. All he understands is fighting.” He looks you up and down. “I don’t know how you’ll ever beat him, but it’s the only way. He’s more proud of that ring than any belt he ever won.”

“So…” says Melvin, “We beat Big Chief and we get the ring? Is that the whole challenge?”

He smiles. “Fortunately for both of us, it is not. There are four matches in the challenge. The early ones will… help you get in shape for the fight with Big Chief.” He starts talking to himself. “I can’t believe this! Just when I needed it, something new and exciting walks in the door.” He looks back to you. “I’m so glad you two came in here today! This will be the most exciting set of matches we’ve had in ages!” He picks up his phone. “Gladys, get this down. ‘Tonight at 8, Mystery Player versus the Ebony Blob, first match in The Quest for the Ring!’” He hangs up. “Okay, you two, go try on the suit. You’re fighting tonight!”

“The suit?” you ask.

“I’ll explain it when we get there,” says Melvin.

Later on, Melvin takes you to the warm-up area. There are all the things you’d expect to see: punching bags, jump ropes, free weights, but also this weird white rubber suit, like some strange Halloween costume. “Here it is,” says Melvin.

“Here what is?” you ask, eyeing it dubiously.

“Your rubber suit,” says Melvin. “It’s… a style of boxing that got popular here, for some reason. Just climb into it.”

The suit is open in the back, and hesitantly, you step into it. To your horror, it suddenly wraps around you, coating your entire body. For a moment, you feel sure you will suffocate, but openings for your mouth, nose, and eyes appear, and you gasp for air. “What the heck is this thing?” you say, slightly muffled, because the mouth hole isn’t exactly huge.

“It’s for protection,” says Melvin. “It’s made of liquid rubber. This way, you can’t get hurt.” You look in the mirror, and see something like the Michelin Man looking back at you. You look down at your hands, and they are large white globes. Melvin continues, “Your opponent will have one just like it, but in black. Makes it easy to tell the boxers apart, anyway. Go try it out.”

You tentatively step up to a heavy punching bag, and give it a few slugs. “Hey, this is pretty great! It’s like the suit is helping me.” You realize you can hit pretty hard with it, because each time you connect with the bag, it makes a sound like a gunshot.

“Heh, yeah, you get it,” says Melvin.

Just then, Smilin’ Sam rolls in. “You ready? You’re up next!”

You look down at your weird, white rubber covered body. “I… guess so!”

“That’s great! The house is packed! I hope you win this – we could use a few more matches like this!”

Sam rolls behind you as you walk out to the green boxing ring, and you see your mysterious black rubber opponent shadow boxing on the other side of the ring, as the announcer calls out, “in this corner, the Ebony Blob!” The crowd cheers. “And now, entering the ring, a new fighter, The Mystery Player!” Some cheer, and others boo. You step into the ring, and the Ebony Blob gives you a determined glare. The announcer continues, “Long jabs are one point, close power punches are worth two! Most points in two minutes wins!” To your surprise, there is no bell, and suddenly the Blob is coming right at you!

Place the Boxing cartridge into your Atari 2600. Use game select 1, and set difficulty switches to b. Play until you win the match. Post a link to a video in the comments section of yourself completing the challenge.