Chapter 47: I Could Use a Belt

Ding ding! The bell rings for the end of the match, and the crowd goes wild – you won! The referee holds up your rubbery spherical hand, and the crowd chants “Play-er, Play-er, Play-er, Play-er!” Melvin whips in circles around your head. “YAHOO!” You stagger out of the ring, and back to the dressing room. You peel off the sticky white rubber suit, and Smilin’ Sam rolls in, chomping his cigar with a great big mechanical smile. He pumps your hand with his claw. “Great job, kid! They love you!” You’re exhausted from the match. It was only two minutes, but it felt a lot longer, and that rubber suit only provided so much protection. “I’ve got you down for your next match tomorrow!”

You are still a little dizzy from getting punched so much. “So… more boxing?”

Smilin’ Sam shakes his head and waves his cigar. “No, no, kid, Karate! That’s the next step in the challenge, and people love martial arts!”

Melvin sails in. “Karate? You’re not talking about a Shufflefoot match, are you?”

“Naturally! You have to give the people what they want!”

Melvin claps his hand over his face, and slowly slides it down to his chin, not that he has any of those things. “Sam, no one wants to see a Shufflefoot match.”

“What?” says Sam, “You don’t know what you’re talking about. People love karate!” He shouts “Hiii-yaa!” and accidentally smashes a porcelain sink to bits with his heavy metal claw.

“Yeah,” says Melvin, “Everyone loves Karate, but… come on, Shufflefoot? It’s… bizarre and incomprehensible!”

Sam smiles and shakes his head. “You kids today. Anyway, make sure to rest up, your Shufflefoot Karate match is all set for tomorrow! You go up against the Green Ghost!” and he wheels out the door.

You ask Melvin, “What was that all about?” and he just sighs. “Shufflefoot Karate is… pretty strange. But, if it’s part of the challenge, I guess we’re doing it!”

“What do you mean we?” you ask.

“Hey, every champion needs a coach,” insists Melvin. “Anyway, we’ll have time to train tomorrow. We’ve got a hotel room upstairs, and right now… you need a shower.”

“You’re telling me! That rubber suit is a nightmare! I didn’t sweat that much when Silaros was melting! If I have to wear another one tomorrow, don’t tell me.”

“Okay, I won’t tell you. But I will meet you down in the gym first thing tomorrow.”

After a good night’s sleep, and a healthy breakfast, you meet Melvin in the gym, where different boxers and fighters are lifting weights, jumping rope, and doing some other kinds of training. Melvin guides you over to a purple rubbery thing hanging on a hook by a large yellow mat.

“Tell me that’s not another rubber suit.”

“Okay,” says Melvin, “it’s not.”

“But it is, isn’t it?”

“Yeah.”

It’s thinner this time, but it adheres to your body just as disturbingly as the white one.

“Now… step out on the yellow mat,” says Melvin.

You do, and immediately your feet start to burn, like a hot day on a dry beach. You start hopping back and forth, trying not to let either of them touch the mat for too long. “Yow! Melvin! What’s wrong with this mat?” you shout, pitter-pattering as fast as you can manage.

Melvin sighs. “That would be why they call it Shufflefoot. It’s supposed to… keep things moving, or… something.”

“Shouldn’t the rubber suit insulate my feet?” you cry, hopping back and forth.

“No, actually, it’s a special kind of rubber designed to conduct heat.”

You are practically tap dancing to avoid the pain. “And I have to do this for two minutes?” you cry, exasperated.

Melvin sighs again. “No, for ten. There’s five rounds.”

“What?” you shout. “Why? Do you mean, best three out of five?” Constantly shuffling your feet is making your breathe pretty fast.

“That would make sense, but… you always have to do five rounds. Come on, let’s practice.” He takes the form of a sort of shadow. “Go ahead, try to kick and punch me, and I’ll read you the rules.” You shuffle over to try to kick him, but he dodges you skillfully. “Karate is Chinese tranditional fighting and defending skill and feat,” says Melvin.

“What?” you say.

“Every action in Karate is the beautiful combination of power and art.”

“Uh, okay,” you try landing some punches, but he keeps dodging you.

“Now, you can enjoy yourself in this Orient Great Art – Karate,” says Melvin, listlessly.

“Are you making fun of how Chinese people talk? Because that’s not cool,” you say, shuffling slowly and panting.

“No, these are the actual official rules, I’m just reading them word for word. Now, where was I?” He shuffles back and your high kick misses him. “The game 5 screens. Every screen takes 2 minutes. The belt of the winer will be changed step by step, from the white to the black.”

“The winer?”

“I’m just reading the rules,” says Melvin.

“So… how do you wine, I mean, win, exactly?”

“You get 10 points every time you land a punch.” You punch Melvin in the chest, and indeed, the scoreboard registers ten points. “Body kicks are 15 points, and kicks to the face are 20.” You get in a couple kicks, and see that this is true.

“A skillful beating down is 60 points,” Melvin unhelpfully explains.

“What does that mean?”

“You kick the guy in the face just right. Stand… right there. Now, high kick.” You try it, and Melvin’s shadow dramatically collapses, and you score 60 points.

“But the real secret to shufflefoot karate,” confides Melvin, “is to just keep running away. Get ahead of your opponent, and then don’t let them catch you.”

Your feet are really burning now. The two minutes are up, and the floor suddenly cools, and Melvin snaps back to his normal glowing square self. “Whew!” You exclaim. “I couldn’t take much more of that.”

Just then Sam rolls up. “I see you’re ready! Well, the Green Ghost is ready for you!” Grudgingly, you follow him out to the arena, which you see is now a yellow mat, just like in the training area. The house is packed, and people are shouting with excitement. “See?” says Sam excitedly. “I told you they’d come to see it!” You step out onto the mat, and see someone else in a green rubber suit facing you. The floor heats up, and you both start to slowly shuffle toward each other. You try not to think about how sweaty your feet are.

Put the Karate cartridge into your Atari 2600. Use game select 1. Play until you win the game. Post a link to a video in the comments section of yourself completing the challenge.