Chapter 85: Got a Match?

You have punched so many buildings in so many cities, you don’t even know where you are anymore.

“We’re in Plano!” says Melvin excitedly. “This is the last city!”

You dodge bullets from another orange helicopter, and throw a final punch, exhausted, and as the building collapses, you collapse too, into the street. The radiation has worn off, and you are shrinking down, down, down, back to human size. This happened a few times in your travels, but each time, the Doctor dosed you with more radiation to enlarge you to monster size, and keep you punching. But now you are all punched out.

“That’s it! You’ve destroyed the last virus factory!” cries Melvin, zipping around excitedly.

Melvin might be celebrating, but that is the farthest thing from your mind. As you lie on the asphalt, staring up at the night sky, you are equal parts sore and numb.

“Player, aren’t you excited?” asks Melvin, coming down close to you.

But you don’t even answer.

“Come on, Player, cheer up,” says Melvin. “The world is saved, and you are back to human size!”

You turn away – you don’t even want to look at him.

He flies around to face you. “Player, what’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong?” you shout, getting angry now. “Look at me, Melvin! I’m a monster!” And you are. You are back to human size, but you are still some kind of strange lizard creature. You look at your green hands in disgust. “The Doctor has hit me with so many toxins, and so much radiation, I’ll never be back to normal! I don’t even know what we’re doing anymore!”

Melvin becomes somber. “We’re gathering treasures for Queen Stella. You know that.”

“Oh, we are, huh?” you shout. “It seems like a hundred years ago we got that urn from the haunted house, and where is it now? It’s gone, Melvin! Gone, and we won’t get it back! No matter what we do to fix things, everything gets worse!”

“No it doesn’t,” says Melvin. “We’ll… find a way to turn you back…”

“How?” you say.

“Well…” says Melvin.

“Yeah, you have no idea. Just leave me here, Melvin. I’m sure something will come and destroy me soon.”

Just then, you notice something moving through the sky. Another helicopter? No… something else. And then you hear it… a shrill cackle cuts through the night, and you see it is Berthilda the witch on her broomstick, flying right at you, waving her wand!

“Player, run!” shouts Melvin. “It’s that terrible witch!”

But you just lie there. After all, what is left for her to turn you into?

“RUN!” shouts Melvin!

The witch opens her mouth wide to cackle, and waves her glowing wand, and you can’t help but notice her mouth no longer has terrible rotting teeth, but rather is sparkling like it is full of jewels. But you don’t think about that for long, because she fires a bolt directly at you, and you are blasted with magical energy! You feel yourself changing into… what exactly?

The witch lands on the sidewalk nearby, still cackling. “Satisfied, Doctor? A deal’s a deal,” she says, sarcastically.

The Doctor is there, looking down at you and smiling. “Yes, thank you, Berthilda,” he calls to her, as she flies away into the sky.

You realize that Dr. Jekyll might not be as innocent as you thought, if he has a deal with the witch. You start touching your arms, your body, your face, trying to figure out what she has turned you into.

“Player!” shouts Melvin. “You’re back to normal!”

You sit up, looking down at your hands, your legs, your feet – he’s right! You are you again!

“I’m back to normal!” you shout. “Doc, I’m back to normal!”

The doctor’s timid, pale blue face smiles back at you. “I’ll take your word for that – I’ve only seen you as animals!”

Looking at your hands again, you notice a pale blue glow. “Doc, what is this? More radiation?”

The Doctor looks concerned. “I… am afraid I don’t know.”

“Oh come on!” you cry. “What, am I under a witch’s curse now? Will I never really be back to normal?”

You can see and feel the magical glow building. You are glowing brighter and brighter, and you feel an intense tickle in your nose.

“Player, what’s happening?” asks an alarmed Melvin.

The tickle in your nose gets stronger and more intense, and your glow is so bright that you are squinting. You inhale deeply, and “AH-CHOO!” You let out a massive sneeze, and all of the magical energy flies off of you, and congeals into something metallic that bounces with a loud clang on the sidewalk.

“It’s the urn!” cries Melvin. And it is! It glitters in the moonlight. And your blue glow is gone! “I guess it was inside you the whole time,” says Melvin, who flies over to the Doctor.

“Doc, how are you friends with the witch?” asks Melvin.

Doctor Jekyll laughs timidly. “I realized that none of my efforts were going to change the Player back. Nothing can undo witch magic but more witch magic.”

“So what did you do?” you ask.

He titters. “Remember her terrible teeth? While you were punching buildings, I flew my blimp up to the hole in the sky, and made a deal with her. If she would change you back, I’d fix her teeth, and of course, she insisted I decorate them with rubies and diamonds. It’s a good thing I put that portable dentist’s office in my blimp.”

You pick up the urn, and turn it around in your hands. “It… looks good, Melvin! I’m so relieved!” You wrap your arms around it protectively.

“Yeah, we better get it back to the Queen, before something else happens!” says Melvin. “Doc, can we take your blimp?”

The Doctor rubs his temples. “Why… of course! The Queen! How could I forget about her?” He shakes his head. “The virus made me forget a lot of things, I guess.”

All of you get into the blimp, and as you fly through the night to the castle, you explain to the Doctor about how everyone has been losing their memories because of the missing treasures, and tell him about your many adventures. He is abashed. “I am so ashamed that while you were saving the world, I was trying to destroy it.”

“Don’t beat yourself up, Doc,” says Melvin, “That virus made you go crazy! And… hey, we’re here!”

Down below, you see near the edge of the sea the gray foggy haze that surrounds the castle. At least, you assume the castle is still in there. It’s weird enough when you walk up to it, seeing it from above really makes you understand how everyone could forget about it. There is something about the gray fog that makes your eye turn away and forget what you were doing.

“Are you sure I should land in that... cloud?” the Doctor asks hesitantly. “Maybe we should just tether back at one of my buildings,” he says, gesturing to the three and a half skyscrapers that are still standing (since you smashed one) in the center of the city, and he starts to steer the blimp that way.

“No, Doc, focus!” says Melvin. “Fly down into the fog, you’ll see the castle soon enough.” Hesitantly, the Doctor does so, and, true enough, the gray castle slowly comes into view as you enter the gray fog. As you get closer, you see a red figure waving on the rooftop. It’s Charlie Hustle! The blimp lands, and all three of you get out. Charlie greets you excitedly.

“Did you get it?” Charlie asks.

Exhausted, and glad to be back on the ground, you hold up the urn and just nod.

He lets out a loud, low whistle. “That’s terrific! I never would have wanted to do all that haunted house stuff.”

“There was a lot more than that!” says Melvin excitedly. “You won’t believe what the player has been through!”

Charlie nods, but is looking at the Doctor. “And you are…?” he asks with some suspicion.

Doctor Jekyll looks around nervously, but says nothing.

“This is my… dentist,” you say, to break the tension.

“Your what?” asks Charlie.

“It’s a long story,” says Melvin. “And we’d rather tell it to the Queen. Can we see her?”

“Of course,” says Charlie, leading the way from the roof to a stairway down to the throne room. Despite the fact that the castle still needs work, things are looking much cleaner and neater than they were. When you arrive in the throne room, Queen Stella is sitting peacefully in meditation.

You and Melvin rush over to her, and she looks up with some uncharacteristic excitement. “Player!” she cries. “Little missile! How wonderful to see you again!” You both kneel before her. “I was so worried!” she says, and her furrowed brow tells you that she means it. “The visions I had were so terrible! I didn’t know what would happen to you!”

Melvin pipes up. “It was even worse than you imagined! Not only did we see Frankenstein, Dracula, and a thousand ghosts, but there was a witch, and a mad doctor, well, two mad doctors, really, and the player got turned into all these animals, and…”

The Queen laughs. “Slow down, little missile! Were you able to get the urn?” she looks at you expectantly.

You smile, and hold it up. Its radiance fills the room with light, and you see the reflection of it in her wide eyes. “The Urn of Spirit Bay,” she says in a whisper. “I… was afraid I’d never see it again.” She stares at it for a long moment, and as you wait for her to take it from you, her expression darkens. As you stand there awkwardly, Melvin says, “Uh, my Queen, don’t you want the urn?”

She closes her eyes and puts her hand to her face. “Forgive me. This urn has been used for evil, and… I am nervous about what memories it may give to me.” She straightens. “However, a Queen has grave responsibilities, so I shall be brave.” She reaches toward you for the urn.

Melvin interjects. “My Queen! Are you sure?” But it is too late. She takes the urn in her hands, and it glows even more brightly, and you see the power surging into her arms, and images start flickering into her eyes. Her face is contorted in fear… but… then it brightens! It brightens and she starts to laugh! More and more images flicker across her eyes, and a celebratory “5/26” appears in the air above her head as there is suddenly a wonderful flash of color as the whole palace comes to life, and briefly, you hear the sound of laughing children. Quickly the palace returns to the gray you are used to, and the urn floats up into its alcove. But the Queen is all smiles.

“What happened, your majesty?” you ask.

“Oh, Player!” she exclaims gleefully. “It was wonderful! Every memory was about children! Children playing and laughing, children doing all the things children love!”

You think it over. “There was a brave group of children that helped protect the urn for a long, long time. Their memories must have become imprinted on it,” you suggest.

She claps her hands, delightedly. “Player, you have served our kingdom admirably. I cannot wait to process these wonderful memories! And, I know just the game!” But she looks at you with some concern. “But… Player, you must be exhausted. We can play that game tomorrow. Now, you should get some sleep.”

You can’t disagree – after everything you have been through, there is nothing you’d rather do. But where will you sleep, and, oh! “But… I haven’t even introduced Dr. Jekyll – he, well, it’s complicated, but in the end, he helped us get the urn back. You see, it started when I got turned partway into a frog by, uh…”

The Queen shakes her head. “Player, Mister Rose has prepared a room for you upstairs. You get some sleep, and the missile and the Doctor himself can tell me what happened. There is so much more to do – please do rest.”

The vision on the edges of your eyes is so pulsing and blurry, you realize she’s right. “Thank you, my Queen,” you say with a bow. As Charlie leads you upstairs, you realize that this the first time you have called her that. Is it just because you are so tired… or is this place starting to feel like home?

“I hope you like your room,” says Charlie. “I thought you might need to rest if… I mean, when you got back.” The room is regal, with wooden trim, and huge canopy bed with red blankets and pillows, although they are tinted somewhat gray like everything in the castle. You crawl into the bed and fall asleep in seconds.

When you wake in the morning, sunbeams are shining into your room. You head downstairs and find Melvin, the Doctor, and Queen all talking and laughing, and at first, they don’t notice you. The sun is shining in here as well, and the treasures you have collected glisten. It fills you with pride to see the golden crown, the star stone, the two sports rings, and now the urn of Spirit Bay, all five gleaming in their alcoves. On the other hand, though, there are still twenty-one empty alcoves! At this rate, will you ever collect all twenty-six treasures? Still, you are proud of the ones you have returned to the Queen. As your eyes fall on her, she beams at you. “Player! You are awake! Melvin and Doctor Jekyll have told me of your heroism. I am mightily impressed!”

You shift awkwardly. “I just did what I could,” you say.

“I’m sure you did,” she says. “And now, it looks like you’ve had a well-deserved rest. And so, I would very much like to calibrate my new memories, and perhaps I can find a way to send you on another quest. Are you ready?”

Melvin flies to your side. You stretch, feeling much better than you did the night before. “Yes, your majesty, I think I’m ready… as long as… I can stay human this time!” Everyone laughs.

“Well,” she says, with a controlled smile, “I can’t promise anything, but inspired by the memories of such wonderful children, let’s play a game that children love.” Her eyes send out a red and blue grid, and you laugh, and sit cross-legged in front of it, feeling like a child yourself.

Place the Concentration cartridge into your Atari 2600. Use Game select 6, and set the difficulty switches to a. Play until you win the game with 14 or fewer mistakes. Post a link to a video in the comments section of yourself completing the challenge.