Chapter 87: Go, Street Racer, Go!

Your ball teeters on the edge of the cup… and… it’s in! You finish just under par... or even better! SJ claps you on the back, so hard that it knocks the wind out of you. “See here? Now this is someone I can respect. I wasn’t sure what to make of you when I saw that bright yellow outfit, but anyone who can finish this course under par is okay in my book.”

Gary shifts his weight nervously, as SJ lights up a cigar. She eyes Gary. “Gary, you told me you had some hot talent for an amazing new show. It can’t be that frog thing, so, what is it?”

Gary swallows hard, “Err…”

Charlie speaks up. “Actually, SJ, the new talent is right here.”

She takes the cigar out of her mouth. “What, you, Charlie?”

Charlie laughs. “Oh no, not me. The Player.” SJ eyes you up and down. She looks back at Gary. “So, what’s the pitch?”

Gary says “Umm…” and looks at Charlie.

Charlie is all confidence. “Remember those old challenge shows you were going to do? The racing show? The cooking show? We want to make those.”

SJ blows a big cloud of smoke. “You mean the ones that…” she squints, trying to remember, “that… we had some kind of prizes for?”

“Yes, that’s right,” says Charlie. “Prizes the Queen gave you.”

“Queen?” says SJ. “I… don’t remember a Queen. But I do remember those show ideas.”

“Oh?” says Gary, brightening.

“BECAUSE THEY STINK!” SJ bellows. “Racing shows and cooking shows have been done to death! All our surveys say that people are bored with shows about just one topic. What people want today is VARIETY, not just a one-trick pony, who is only good at one thing.” She sighs. “I knew a meeting with you would be a waste of time, Gatekeeper. At least I got some golfing in,” she mutters.

Your heart sinks… how will you get the treasures now?

Charlie is unfazed, and keeps talking. “Of course, SJ, everyone knows that. That’s why we’re pitching something new. The Player here is an expert race driver and a chef! We want to do a show where the Player travels the country, winning racing challenges, and entering local cooking challenges. See? Something for everyone.”

SJ’s eyebrows go up. “Say,” she says, “that’s not bad. Not bad at all! Racing and cooking in one show… it’s definitely something new…”

Gary pipes up, “It definitely has variety.”

She ignores him, and looks you in the eye. “Can you really do all that, Player? Win racing trophies and cook world-class gourmet food?”

You try not to blink. “Of… course.”

She keeps staring at you. Then she frowns. “It’s no good.”

Gary looks like he’s about to cry.

“What’s the problem?” Charlie asks SJ.

She waves her arms. “Unless it has a good title, it’s going to be confusing, and what could you possibly call such a weird show? Bake and Race? It sounds dumb.”

“How about ‘The Racing Chef?’” suggests Gary, and for once, you think he has a suggestion that doesn’t sound half bad.

“That sounds like The Flying Nun,” booms SJ, “AND I HATE THE FLYING NUN!”

You all rack your brains trying to think of a decent title, but nothing comes. SJ shoulders her bag, “Nice try, but not good enough for WVCS. Good day.” She starts marching back to the clubhouse, as the three of you stand there forlornly.

Suddenly, Melvin, still in your hand, shouts “How about ‘Dine and Dash’?”

You see SJ stop cold in her tracks. After a few seconds, she puts down her golf bag, and comes marching back to you. “Say,” she says, “that’s not bad. ‘Dine and Dash,’” she says, trying it out, “that’s pretty clever. People would watch that.”

She looks you up and down, then looks at Gary. “Okay, here’s the deal: you’ve got approval for a pilot. You put your Player into the Street Racer challenge, and make an episode out of it.”

“The Street Racer challenge?” says Gary, “Sure, that’s easy to win!”

You are relieved to hear that, but SJ shakes her head. “No, it’s not enough to win it. The Player has to set a world record – a show like this has to start with a bang! The world record is 98 cars. If your player can pass 99, well, then you’ve got a show!”

“Our player can do it,” says Charlie confidently. “But there’s one condition. If they win all the challenges, the prize has to be the Racing Cup AND the Silver Plate.”

SJ chews her cigar for a minute. “Those are valuable treasures…” she says, “but… well… I am getting two shows for the price of one… so… okay, deal.” Suddenly she, Charlie, and Gary are shaking hands.

SJ heads back to the clubhouse, and when she is gone, Gary looks at you and says, “Where did you get a talking golf ball?”

“Come on,” says Charlie. “The Street Racer challenge starts in a couple hours! Player, we have to get you a car. I’ll take care of that, and Gary, you get the film crew together!”

“No problem!” says Gary. “This won’t be as good as Steel Tadpoles, but we can make it work!”

The next thing you know, Charlie has you back at V. Hickle’s, where he is haggling over a blocky looking orange racecar. They make some kind of deal, and Charlie says, “Okay, player, hop in! You can learn to drive it on the way to the race!”

“Where is the race, anyway?” asks Melvin.

“It’s in Phenix,” says Charlie.

“Arizona?” you ask. “I think I was just there, knocking down buildings.”

“No, no, not Phoenix, Phenix,” says Charlie.

“Yikes,” says Melvin, “that’s a tough town.”

“Yeah, but it’s cheap to film in, so, get going!” says Charlie.

You both hop into the orange racecar, and with Melvin’s guidance, you head across the desert to Phenix. Soon, you see a strange bunker-like walled city appear on the horizon. The road leads to an opening in a concrete wall, and as you enter, a door slams down behind you. “Welcome to Phenix,” Melvin says nervously.

Just in time, you arrive at the race, which seems to be taking place on some kind of long side street. The film crew is set up, and ready to go. Charlie guides you to the starting line, and you see that your competitor is a vacant looking robot in a bright pink racecar.

“That robot looks easy to beat!” says Melvin.

“He is,” says Charlie. “But you don’t care about that. You have to set the world record. Just go as fast as you can, and avoid the purple cars.”

“Hey Melvin,” you say, “this car is primitive, but the steering is pretty sensitive.”

“That’s a good thing,” says Melvin nervously, “because I’d like to avoid being in a wreck today!”

“I can’t promise anything, Melvin, but I’ll do my best!” You flick the reset button, and you’re off!

Place the Street Racer cartridge in your Atari 2600. Use game select 1, and set the difficulty switches to b. Play until you pass 99 cars. Post a link to a video in the comments section of yourself completing the challenge.